Coach Toomey: Actually, Burdett never made the team.
Carl Kolchak: No?
Coach Toomey: You see, his butterfly stroke was like an effeminate moth.
Carl Kolchak: I promised I'd show up with a haircut, a new hat, and pressed suit... but I lie a lot.
Carl Kolchak: Captain Leo Winwood and I had a relationship that was long and bloody, like the Crusades, only without the chivalry.
Carl Kolchak: If you want a job done right, you just have to foul it up yourself.
Carl Kolchak: You must really enjoy your work.
Nurse Eisen: A well-done autopsy is a joy forever.