Charlie: I think you guys are playing games with me, and I don't like it.
Roy: Now, wait a minute. We're not playing games. We don't play games with the equipment...
Captain Stanley: Wait, hold on. C'mon everybody, look we're all on the same side here, aren't we?
Charlie: I wonder.
Captain Stanley: Charlie, why can't we put the squad in the shop and have us a reserve vehicle here?
Charlie: No, no, Hank. Not until I'm 100% sure that I can't fix it. If there's anything wrong with it. This coffee stinks. [Leaves the room.]
Captain Stanley: You guys playing some kind of joke on him?
John: We didn't make the coffee!
Captain Stanley: Not the coffee, you twit, the squad.
Roy: Cap, there's something wrong with that squad out there.
Captain Stanley: [sigh.] All right, if you say so... I made the coffee.
Roy: Well, what did your doctor say?
Captain Stanley: Well, actually, I haven't talked to a doctor yet.
Roy: Then how do you know it's arthritis?
Captain Stanley: What else could I have?
Roy: I don't know, but instead of expecting the worst, you might just try to get the facts. Let me call Dr. Brackett. I'll arrange an examination.
Captain Stanley: No, no, no!
Roy: What do you mean, no? Why not?
Captain Stanley: I can't leave here. I'm on duty.
Roy: I'll make the appointment for tomorrow.
Captain Stanley: No, I don't want to impose on Dr. Brackett.
Roy: You're not gonna impose on Dr. Brackett. That's his job. That's why I'm giving him a call.
Captain Stanley: No. Look, Roy, look. What if it isn't arthritis? Then I'd feel silly bothering him.
Roy: If it is arthritis, wouldn't you like to know about it?
Captain Stanley: That's hard news to take.
Roy: Well, you've already given yourself the worst possible news.
Captain Stanley: Yeah, but I could be wrong.
Roy: Look, wouldn't you like to know one way or another? At least you'll stop worrying yourself to death over it.
Captain Stanley: You'd worry too, if you had arthritis.
Roy: Maybe you don't!
Captain Stanley: Then why see a doctor?
[Henry, the dog who is never ever off the couch, whimpers.]
Johnny: [Talking to Henry, while typing on the typewriter.] Sorry. Didn't mean to disturb you. Acting kinda uppity aren't you? I may put you in the script. Yeah. A dog that does nothing. [Henry whimpers.] Just sits there. People like that, y'know. A schleppy dog. You'll schlep out on stage and schleep on the couch. Dumb dog! [Henry whimpers.] Making me feel guilty. Why don't you howl or something?
Charlie: Well, as long as I'm here, let me take a look at it.
Captain Stanley: Oh, I see you guys got some help.
Charlie: Hi, Hank.
Johnny: Not really. We fixed it ourselves.
Charlie: These two prima donnas here don't believe in calling in a repair. They wanna do my job for me.
Roy: It was just a loose connection there.
Charlie: Now they're telling me I'm not needed around here.
Johnny: No, Charlie, we're not telling you that at all.
Charlie: What's this? What... What IS this? Adhesive tape here?
Roy: Well, there was a bare connection there.
Charlie: You thought it was gonna bleed to death, so you put a bandage on her, right?
Roy: Look, we were at the hospital and we just put it on just to get us back here to the station.
Charlie: You got tape?
Johnny: Yeah. [Gives Charlie proper tape.]
Charlie: If it wasn't for me, you guys would probably give an IV to the gas line and debrillitate [sic] the battery.