Captain Stanley: How are you and Brice getting along?
Roy: Fine. Fine. We're getting along just fine.
Captain Stanley: Thought for a while there might be a little personality problem.
Roy: No, I can work with just about anybody. I can get along with just about anybody.
Captain Stanley: Glad to hear that.
Roy: Just might have to bust him in the mouth to do it.
Charlie: I think you guys are playing games with me, and I don't like it.
Roy: Now, wait a minute. We're not playing games. We don't play games with the equipment...
Captain Stanley: Wait, hold on. C'mon everybody, look we're all on the same side here, aren't we?
Charlie: I wonder.
Captain Stanley: Charlie, why can't we put the squad in the shop and have us a reserve vehicle here?
Charlie: No, no, Hank. Not until I'm 100% sure that I can't fix it. If there's anything wrong with it. This coffee stinks. [Leaves the room.]
Captain Stanley: You guys playing some kind of joke on him?
John: We didn't make the coffee!
Captain Stanley: Not the coffee, you twit, the squad.
Roy: Cap, there's something wrong with that squad out there.
Captain Stanley: [sigh.] All right, if you say so... I made the coffee.
Roy: I think you're on some sort of an ego trip, Ed. And in my book that makes you a very dangerous character.
Ed: [Laughs.] Ego trip, huh? Well, I didn't realize that psychiatry was part of the paramedic's training.
Roy: Oh that's good, Ed, you be funny. But that isn't gonna change anything. You wanna know what I figure? Well, I figure when you were working in Vietnam, it was rough. So rough you started playing over your head. And you were making it, you were doing real good. Considering it was a combat situation. And pretty soon you started getting all blown up about how Ed Marlowe is just as good as the real doctors. And you've been living on that ever since. And the trouble is, Ed, you are good. Except for two little problems. You can't quit competing with real doctors. And you can't face being wrong. You see, those people we treat out there, I mean the people we work for, the people who pay for this whole operation, they're real people, Ed, with real problems. And they have a right to expect more than just being used by you for some sort of trip. [Completely exasperated.] I guess what I'm trying to say to you, Ed, is that in my book you're just plain unprofessional.
[Ed walks out.]
John: Do you think it did any good?
Roy: Do you?
Roy: Well, what did your doctor say?
Captain Stanley: Well, actually, I haven't talked to a doctor yet.
Roy: Then how do you know it's arthritis?
Captain Stanley: What else could I have?
Roy: I don't know, but instead of expecting the worst, you might just try to get the facts. Let me call Dr. Brackett. I'll arrange an examination.
Captain Stanley: No, no, no!
Roy: What do you mean, no? Why not?
Captain Stanley: I can't leave here. I'm on duty.
Roy: I'll make the appointment for tomorrow.
Captain Stanley: No, I don't want to impose on Dr. Brackett.
Roy: You're not gonna impose on Dr. Brackett. That's his job. That's why I'm giving him a call.
Captain Stanley: No. Look, Roy, look. What if it isn't arthritis? Then I'd feel silly bothering him.
Roy: If it is arthritis, wouldn't you like to know about it?
Captain Stanley: That's hard news to take.
Roy: Well, you've already given yourself the worst possible news.
Captain Stanley: Yeah, but I could be wrong.
Roy: Look, wouldn't you like to know one way or another? At least you'll stop worrying yourself to death over it.
Captain Stanley: You'd worry too, if you had arthritis.
Roy: Maybe you don't!
Captain Stanley: Then why see a doctor?
Ann: I didn't mean any harm.
Dixie: No, of course not... All you've been doing is telling people that Dr. Morton is deeply in debt.
Ann: I didn't say that was a certainty. I said there was a possibility of it.
Dixie: You've discussed it with patients, which is unforgivable. And after I specifically told you it was none of your business. How long have you been a nurse?
Ann: Six years.
Dixie: Then you ought to know that you hear things and see things about doctors, and patients, that are very personal and confidential, and you just don't go around repeating them, because you can do harm. And I'm telling you to cut it out right now.
Ann: I think I can talk about whatever I want.
Dixie: No you can't! Not here. Not while you're working for me. I won't tolerate it. Got it?
[Henry, the dog who is never ever off the couch, whimpers.]
Johnny: [Talking to Henry, while typing on the typewriter.] Sorry. Didn't mean to disturb you. Acting kinda uppity aren't you? I may put you in the script. Yeah. A dog that does nothing. [Henry whimpers.] Just sits there. People like that, y'know. A schleppy dog. You'll schlep out on stage and schleep on the couch. Dumb dog! [Henry whimpers.] Making me feel guilty. Why don't you howl or something?
Dr. Early: You chewed out a paramedic the other day.
Dr. Sunderland: [Sighs.] Oh, that.
Dixie: And he's thinking of quitting. Doctor, he takes care of people in places that would curl your hair. When was the last time you risked your life for a patient? Well, they do it with some regularity. Doctor, you were 10 miles out of line.
Charlie: Well, as long as I'm here, let me take a look at it.
Captain Stanley: Oh, I see you guys got some help.
Charlie: Hi, Hank.
Johnny: Not really. We fixed it ourselves.
Charlie: These two prima donnas here don't believe in calling in a repair. They wanna do my job for me.
Roy: It was just a loose connection there.
Charlie: Now they're telling me I'm not needed around here.
Johnny: No, Charlie, we're not telling you that at all.
Charlie: What's this? What... What IS this? Adhesive tape here?
Roy: Well, there was a bare connection there.
Charlie: You thought it was gonna bleed to death, so you put a bandage on her, right?
Roy: Look, we were at the hospital and we just put it on just to get us back here to the station.
Charlie: You got tape?
Johnny: Yeah. [Gives Charlie proper tape.]
Charlie: If it wasn't for me, you guys would probably give an IV to the gas line and debrillitate [sic] the battery.
Johnny: Well, what?
Roy: How do you feel?
Johnny: I don't know. No different I guess. It just hasn't hit me yet. How do you feel?
Roy: I don't feel anything special. Not yet anyway.
Johnny: Uh, hey, Roy...listen, I know this may sound silly, but you suppose you can call me Cap?
Roy: Okay, Cap. You got any orders for me, Cap? What's happening, Cap? How's that?
Johnny: That's great! Captain Gage. Captain John Gage, Los Angeles County Fire Department. Yeah, well, it's beginning to hit me now.