Edna: You like Linda, she likes you, and you're both nincompoops who do nothing about it.
Dr. Linda Abbott: Every time I come here I feel like I've fallen down a rabbit whole into some other time and place.
Dr. Andrew Brown: I have similar thoughts every day.
Amy: Maybe love's like math. You don't get better at it but you just get used to it. Simple equations with the occasional variable.
Ephram: I hope not. I suck at math.
Doctor Brown: There's someone in my office.
Edna Harper: Gee, no wonder you brain surgeons make so much money.
Ephram: Come on, you're a sock. Why do you have to fight me all the way up?
Mole: Nice truck, Hart. Too bad it's your Daddy's.
Colin: Whatever, McNally. Like I can't drive this whenever I want.
Mole: I'm sure you can.
Colin: Besides your brother there is still the kid who threw up on the DMV guy during his driving test.
Phil Drebbles: People don't really want the truth, they just want good news.
Dr. Andrew Brown: So how's the Amy situation working out?
Ephram: What Amy situation?
Dr. Andrew Brown: Ohh... that good huh?
Ephram: Oh it's fantastic. I'm a really important friend.
Bright: Uh, Dad, depending on how many people are there today, do you think I could borrow that rifle to shoot myself?
Ephram: Do you have a boyfriend?
Amy: Yes. But I want you to meet him. If you do, you'll understand.
Ephram: That was right on my list of things to do today, right between picking up my dry cleaning and chopping off my hand.
Dr. Andrew Brown: You might wanna work on your bedside manner Ephram. You just cleared the room.
Ephram: Yeah, I noticed that, thank you.
Delia: Set the table doofus, if you can even do that.
Bright: We were like Mike and Scottie. Only shorter... and whiter.
Linda: Well, I probably won't move again for another year.
Andy: You mean I gotta do this again in another 12 months?
Dr. Harold Abbott: My daughter is dating a paroled addict.
Dr. Andrew Brown: My 16 year-old son is dating his 20 year old baby sitter.
Dr. Harold Abbott: Barkeep, two more.
Nina: You want a cup of coffee?
Dr. Andrew Brown: Only if it's spiked.
Doctor Brown: Isn't he supposed to be dead?
Edna Harper: Yeah, I thought that was a little weird, too.
Nina Feeney: Hi, I'm Nina Feeny. I'm your neighbor.
Dr. Andrew Brown: That's a weird coincidence because I'm your neighbor.
Dr. Linda Abbott: Mom, I'm not putting up my own roadblocks.
Edna Harper: Well you sure as hell aren't pulling any down.
Delia: Are you having a fight?
Dr. Abbott: Perpetually, child.