Archie Bunker: You worse than that hebe congressman Sam Irving.
Mike Stivic: You eat my heart out. Little by little, bit by bit, you eat my heart out.
Archie Bunker: I don't care.
Archie Bunker: In my bed I stay, 'til death us do part.
Mike Stivic: I'll drive a truck, pump gas, collect garbage.
Archie: Bingo. Start collecting the garbage off the table.
Archie: Your honor, may I encroach the bench?
Archie Bunker: She ain't gonna saying nothing more because the smoke has given her an attack of, what do you call, laryngosis.
Archie Bunker: I got bigger fish to fly.
Mike Stivic: I just thank God I'm an atheist.
Archie Bunker: God can do anything! He can turn your jawbone into an ass.
Archie Bunker: You'd better start mixing toothpaste with your shampoo. You're getting a cavity in your brain.
Archie: Free treatment for VD. VD. Do you know what that means, Edith?
Edith: Oh, yeah. V-D day.
Archie Bunker: You gotta grab the bull by the corns.
Archie Bunker: What she done was wrong and she gotta be punished. For the next two weeks, no out after school. No out at all. If you find yourself having fun at something, stop it. And no delicious foods for three weeks. You only gotta eat the terrible foods that are good for you. And then no TV for a week. And the next week, and this is gonna be tougher: educational TV only.
Mike Stivic: You know, you are totally incomprehensible.
Archie Bunker: Maybe so, but I make a lot of sense.
Archie Bunker: Silence is golden, so stifle thy self.
Gloria: Oh, Daddy. You'd put ketchup on a doughnut.
Archie Bunker: If it needed it.