Dick: Does anyone remember why we all decided to be white?
Harry: Oh, um, I went with white ‘cause I thought it'd be a little cooler in the summer.
Tommy: Well don't you remember, Dick? All the television signals that we picked up in outer space were filled with white people.
Sally: Oh, except for that, uh, that black nerd with the hiked-up pants and the oversized glasses. What was his name?
Tommy: Bryant Gumbel.
Harry: Hey, what's the matter, Tommy?
Tommy: I have to write a twenty-page history paper by tomorrow.
Harry: Oh, that's tough.
Tommy: Oh, oh, and on top of that, George Kapasouris was waiting for me after school to beat me up 'cause I wouldn't let him cheat off my algebra test.
Harry: Whoa, so what'd you do, hop the fence and run home?
Tommy: Well no, I kicked his ass, but I mean, that's not the point. I shouldn't have to do that.
Dick: Hey Tommy, how was school?
Tommy: Terrible. I got hauled into the principal's office because of my grades.
Harry: What'd he do to ya?
Tommy: Made me Valedictorian. Apparently I have the best grades in the school, dammit.
Dick: But you barely ever go to class.
Tommy: I know. That's how stupid everyone else is. Dammit!
Sally: Hey you guys, look: "Rutherford's 10 Most Powerful Men." What number are you, Don?
Don: Um, number "not on it."
Sally: What, have they just never heard of you? How could that be?
Don: Well Sally, I'm just a cop. But I once stopped number 8 for speeding, though. He let me off with a warning.
Evil Dick: Stay and witness my moment of glory, as I impregnate the entire population of Ohio with my demon progeny.
Tommy: Wait, wait. Even the men?
Evil Dick: Okay, not the men.
Sally: What about little girls?
Evil Dick: Mmm, no, not them.
Tommy: What about elderly women?
Evil Dick: I don't think so.
Harry: What about women who are already pregnant?
Evil Dick: Oh, shut up, all of you! Okay, so apparently I won't be impregnating the entire population of Ohio. But all fertile women of child-bearing age who are not currently pregnant, and that's a lot!
Dick: Tommy, do you ever doodle?
Tommy: Why, was I in the bathroom too long?
Dick: I can't doodle.
Tommy: Well Dick, you're kind of old.
Dick: Old? Picasso doodled on tablecloths late into his sixties.
Tommy: That's disgusting.
Dick: I know. I just can't draw.
Tommy: Oh, doodling.
New this month
Dick: You have a little tofu on your lip.
Jennifer: This smoothie is delicious. Please have a sip.
Dick: Ah, thank you. But, no, just uh, please, go like this [makes wiping motion near his mouth].
Jennifer: I've got an idea, how 'bout we kiss?
Dick: Okay, time out, you're missing my point.
Jennifer: Finish your food and we'll blow this joint.
Dick: Just listen to me, you have tofu on your lip. It's been there for what seems like an eternity, now please just flick it the hell off your face! [She despondently wipes her face.] Thank you, that's better. Now we can embrace.
Other mistake: When Harry spits baby food on the baby (the camera lens in actuality) in retaliation for the baby spitting food on him and Tommy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt breaks character and laughs uncontrollably and looks at and gestures to off-screen crew members a couple times. (00:06:25)Phaneron
Trivia: When the Solomons meet the Big Giant Head at the airport and ask how his flight was, he says that it was horrible because when he looked out the airplane window, he saw something on the wing of the plane. Dick responds that the same thing happened to him. William Shatner appeared in the 1960's Twilight Zone episode "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" in which a gremlin tried to destroy the wing of a plane. John Lithgow appeared in "Twilight Zone: The Movie" playing the same character in the same situation.
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