Blanche: This is strictly off the record but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am.
Dorothy: In what, Blanche, dog years?
Sophia: You're Blanche's daughter, the model?
Rebecca: That's right.
Sophia: What did she model - car covers?
Sophia: Rose, just remember, you're smarter than people say you are. You've got good sense, and you know what you're doing.
Rose: Oh, Sophia.
Sophia: Blanche, you're a slut.
Blanche: Oh, Sophia.
Sophia: Make way for the victors.
Rose: You won the big game?
Sophia: No, Rose. We lost and we all changed our names to Victor.
Dorothy: Oh, Angela, you really don't have to go.
Angela: Thank you, Dorothy. I'd love to stay, but I hate your mother.
Rebecca: I'm havin' this baby in a birthin' center. They emphasize natural childbirth without any painkillers.
Blanche: Honey, I know I told you where babies come from, but did I ever mention where they come OUT?
Dorothy: Anyway, Ma told me that once I started shaving I'd never be able to stop. I mean, she said I'd regret it for the rest of my life because my legs would have bristles.
Sophia: I was right! By the time you were sixteen I could grate cheese on your knees.
Rose: You know, I've been thinking.
Blanche: Oh, that would explain the beads of sweat.
Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, but I haven't had sex in fifteen years and its starting to get on my nerves.
Sophia: Blanche, a terrible thing has happened to you. When life does something like this, there are a couple of things you got to remember. You got your health, right?
Blanche: Yeah.
Sophia: You can still walk, can't you?
Blanche: That's true.
Sophia: Great, go get me a glass of water.
Dorothy: Ma, I don't snore.
Sophia: Please! I had to turn you away from the window so you wouldn't inhale the drapes.
Blanche: Why I couldn't... I'd feel like a... like a.
Dorothy: Like a backstabbing slut?
Blanche: ...no.
Blanche: I'll give you anything. I'll give you one of my sons.
Dorothy: Blanche.
Blanche: Dorothy, I've given this a lot of thought. I've had 4 kids, I've never had a Mercedes. So, which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy? No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma.
Dorothy: Ma, Rose isn't talking to me.
Sophia: Enjoy it while it lasts, now good night.
Rose: Now, I know no-one wants to hear any of my stories right now.
Dorothy: That's always a safe bet, Rose.
Rose: ...but you need to hear about my cousin Ingmar. He was different. He used to do bird imitations.
Blanche: Well, what's wrong with that?
Rose: Well, let's just say you wouldn't want to park your car under their oak tree.
Blanche: Dorothy you're a substitute, your job isn't actually to teach.
Dorothy: Then what is it?
Blanche: To keep the kids from burning the school down until the other teacher gets back.
Blanche: Can you believe it? After four long years, my baby girl is finally coming to see me. I'm so happy, I could cry.
Rose: But Blanche, you are crying.
Dorothy: Admit it, Rose, you worked for Allied Intelligence during World War II.
Rose: Huh?
Dorothy: Fine. Play it cagey.
Sophia: Look, you didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'm old, so I'm giving it anyway.
Blanche: I can't believe you said that! Oh if I weren't a lady I'd deck you.
Dorothy: You try and I'll have you on your back so fast you'll think you're out on a date.
Dorothy: Oh c'mon, Blanche. Age is just a state of mind.
Blanche: Tell that to my thighs.
Chosen answer: Rose's husband Charlie died making love to her. There are at least 3 different ways Blanche's husband George is said to have died: 1. Blanche was getting a pedicure when he was killed. 2. He had a car accident and died. 3. He had been in a coma and died. In theory they could all be combined (he had a car accident, fell into a coma, then died while she was having a pedicure), but that's conjecture. I'm not sure how Sophia's husband Sal died.