Family Guy
Movie Quote Quiz

Barely Legal - S5-E8

Connie: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed. So, you're going to have to leave. But Brian can stay.
Brian Griffin: You know, Connie, I think I have this theory about why you're such a bitch.
Connie: Excuse me?
Meg Griffin: Brian, let's just go.
Brian Griffin: No, no, no, no, no, no. Hang on a minute, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving handjobs when you were twelve. But now you can't stand to look in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age nineteen, you're gonna be a worn out chalky skinned burlap sack that even your own stepdad won't want. How is that? Am I in the ballpark?
[Connie runs off crying].

Lois: Hello?
Peter: I can't take the trash out today, I'm working late at the office.
Lois: The caller ID says you're calling from the kitchen. In fact I can see you.
Peter: [Edging sideways.] OK, can you see me now?
Lois: No.
Peter: Now I am at the office.

When You Wish Upon a Weinstein - S3-E22

Peter Griffin: You better watch who you're calling a child Lois. Because if I'm a child then you know what that makes you? A paedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.

Meg Griffin: I just want to kill myself. I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
[Lois and Peter stare in silence.]
Meg Griffin: I'm allergic to peanuts.
[Peter and Lois keep staring.]
Meg Griffin: You don't know anything about me! [Runs upstairs.]
Peter Griffin: Who was that guy?

Petarded - S4-E6

Peter Griffin: Your Honor, I call to the stand my surprise witness: The Ghost That Never Lies.
Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOH!
Peter Griffin: But only I can see him and hear him, so I'll tell you what he's doing and saying.
Child Welfare Agent: Objection, Your Honor! This is ridiculous!
Judge: Objection overruled. I'll allow it. You had better be going somewhere with this, Mr. Griffin.
Peter Griffin: Thank you, Your Honor. Ghost That Never Lies, did you witness the events that took place on that fateful day? You did. Well, how interesting. And do you see the culprit or culprits in this courtroom today? You do. Well, would you kindly point him or them out for this court? Don't point at me, you jackass!

Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian: Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian: That's Street Fighter.
Peter: Red, blue, green...
Brian: Those are colors.

A Hero Sits Next Door - S1-E5

The Grinch: You thought you have won. You thought all is well. But kiss my green ass, I shall see you in hell.

The Son Also Draws - S1-E6

Tree: Hot enough for ya?
Peter: Wha-what?
Tree: I say, hot enough for ya?
Peter: Uh, yeah, I guess...Oh my God I'm... I'm communicating with nature! Uh uh, hey um... tree! If one of you falls and there's no-one around. D-do you make a noise?
Tree: Are you kidding? Scott fell last week, he hasn't shut up about it since!
Scott: Sure! Stand there and bitch! But would any of you take the time to help me!?
Tree #3: Ooh ooh, I'm playing the world's smallest violin, Scott.
(00:17:38)

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Stewie: Lois! I've got a gift for you. I'll give you a hint - it's in my pants and it's not a toaster.

Chitty Chitty Death Bang - S1-E3

Peter: I can not wait to taste this cake! The guy who sold it to me said it was delicious and erotic.
Lois: Peter, there's a naked man on this cake.
Peter: Well, there were only two left. And trust me, you did not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples.
(00:20:20)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Lois: And your family gives you love. You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter: Well what could you and me do together?
Lois: [Giggles]
Peter: *gasp* Lois! You've got a sick mind!
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oooh, oh I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
(00:14:49)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Lois: Come on, Stewie. You know you can't leave the table until you finished your vegetables.
Stewie: Well then I shall sit here till one of us expires! And you've got a good 40 years on me, woman!
(00:01:05)

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Baby Not On Board - S7-E4

Plot hole: Stewie gets out of the car seat and goes back to bed, leaving the blanket at the bottom of the seat. When they get to New York, Lois goes to get him out and realises he's gone. But when they started the trip the blanket was covering the entire seat to make it look like Stewie was still in it. So who ever "covered" him up knew he wasn't in the seat before they set off. (00:13:45)

More mistakes in Family Guy

Trivia: A Quahog is another name for a clam, thus all the jokes and places in town (like the drunken clam bar) the show makes reference about.

Tobin OReilly

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Business Guy - S8-E9

Question: In the episode, Peter threatens to fire Lois, and she responds with "you wouldn't" and Peter then replies with "Oh really, does the name Lacey Chabert mean anything to you?" which in turn makes Lois go wide eyed and reply with "OK, I'll behave" and Peter then goes on to add "Yes you will" Can anyone explain this joke if it is a joke to comprehend?

Answer: Lacey Chabert was the actress who originally voiced Meg in early episodes. She left of her own accord due to being in school and other acting work; Seth MacFarlane has stated there was no tension with her leaving, but it makes for a handy joke for the show.

Jon Sandys Premium member

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