Smithers: Here are several fine young men who I'm sure are gonna go far. Ladies and gentlemen, the Ramones.
Mr. Burns: Ah, these minstrels will soothe my jangled nerves.
Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say this gig sucks!
Johnny Ramone: Hey, up yours Springfield!
[The Ramones perform "Happy Birthday To You" for Mr. Burns.]
CJ Ramone: Go to hell, you old bastard!
Marky Ramone: Hey, I think they liked us!
Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't...
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!
Nelson: Hey, look how much Skinner makes: $25,000 a year.
Bart: Let's see, he's 40 years old times 25 grand. Whoa, he's a millionaire.
Skinner: I wasn't a principal when I was one.
Nelson: Plus, in the summer, he paints houses.
Milhouse: He's a billionaire.
Skinner: If I were a billionaire, why would I be living with my mother? [All the kids laugh at him.] They're just not responding to logic anymore.
TV Announcer: The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield. It's all here: fast kicking, low scoring. And ties? You bet.
Bart: Hey Dad, how come you've never taken us to see a soccer game?
Homer: I don't know.
TV Announcer: You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Arriaga, Arriaga II, Barriaga, Aruglia, and Pizzozza.
Homer: Oh, I've never heard of those people.
TV Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs.
TV Announcer: This match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on Earth. Mexico or Portugal.
Homer: [buying a chewtoy for Maggie.] It says it's for dogs, but she can't read.
Anthony Kiedis: You told our agent this place holds 30,000 people.
Moe: It does. We had 30,000 here last night. Now play, the audience is getting restless.
Barney: We want Chilly Willy! We want Chilly Willy!
Bart: Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys like to appear on a Krusty the Clown special?
Flea: Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
Bart: No problemo. Hey Moe, look over there.
Moe: [Turns around and looks at the wall.] What? What am I looking at? I don't see nothin'. [Bart sneaks the Red Hot Chili Peppers out of the bar.] I'm gonna stop lookin' soon. What? What, is that it?
Homer: Hey Moe, can I look too?
Moe: Sure, but it'll cost you.
Homer: My wallet's in the car.
Moe: He is so stupid. And now back to the wall.
Otto: Hey landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door, and put up an eviction notice.
Landlord: Yeah, that was me.
Otto: You!? But why?
Landlord: Because you haven't paid your rent.
Otto: Well, can I at least get my stuff?
Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard, and a couple of old cycle magazines.
Otto: Wow! I have mustard!?
Smithers: I've got to find a replacement who won't outshine me. Perhaps if I search the employee evaluations for the word "incompetent." 714 names! Ha, better be more specific. "Lazy, clumsy, dimwitted, monstrously ugly." [The computer again displays 714 matches.] Ah, nuts to this. I'll just go get Homer Simpson.
Professor Frink: In episode BF12, you were battling barbarians while riding a winged Appaloosa. but in the very next scene, my dear, you're clearly atop a winged Arabian. Please to explain it.
Lucy Lawless: Ah, yeah, well, whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.
Professor Frink: I see, all right, yes, but in episode AG4...
Lucy Lawless: Wizard!
Professor Frink: Ah, for glavin' out loud!
Apu: Attention American bar devils: it's our anniversary. Free drinks for everyone.
Homer: That's great! I'm honored to drink to Apu and, uh, Apulina. You know, Marge and I have an anniversary coming up.
Apu: I have given Manjula many gifts, including a bouquet of flowers, diamond earrings, and we're going to see Paris... Hilton, in Paris... Texas, on our way to Paris... France.
Lenny: Hey Homer, that's four strikes in a row. You've got a perfect game goin'.
Carl: Careful what you say, Lenny. You'll jinx it.
Lenny: Alright, sorry. Miss. Miss! Sorry, I was callin' the waitress. Uh, this split you sold me is makin' me choke.
Lenny: What? I paid $7.10 for this split.
Carl: Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumb-wad!?
Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter mouth!
Hank WIlliams, Jr.: ♪Can you name the truck with four-wheel drive? Smells like a steak and seats thirty-five. Canyonero. Canyonero. Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down. It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown. Canyonero. Canyonero.
Krusty: Hey hey!
Announcer: The Federal Highway Commission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
Hank Williams, Jr.: ♪Twelve yards long, two lanes wide, 65 tons of American pride. Canyonero. Canyonero. Top of the line in utility sports. Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts. Canyonero. Canyonero. She blinds everybody with her super high beams. She's a squirrel-squashin', deer-smackin', drivin' machine. Canyonero. Canyonero. Ya! Ya Canyonero! Whoa Canyonero! Whoa!