DI Jack Mooney: My grandfather told me a story once, about these two wolves fighting inside all of us. And one of them is anger, envy, self-pity, regret. The other one is love, truth, faith, hope, that sort of thing.
And I asked him "which one of the wolves would win?" And do you know what he said?
"The one you feed." (00:18:15)
DI Humphrey Goodman: If I am gonna woo the ladies with my culinary skills, I think I need to invest in a cookery book.
DS Florence Cassell: I don't know. Maybe turning on the oven would be a good start.
DI Humphrey Goodman: Yes. The devil is in the detail. (00:24:50)
DS Camille Bordey: If you want to talk some more, you know, about your wife.
DI Humphrey Goodman: I'm fine, Camille. I'm British. I'm going for the "bottle it all up and turn it into a bitter little ball" approach.
DS Camille Bordey: But you look sad.
DI Humphrey Goodman: I'm not sad. I'm squinting. My squinty face is uncannily similar to my sad face. (00:50:40)
Catherine Bordey: If you love someone, you should tell them. Throw yourself at their feet and declare it to the world. Beg, if that's what it takes.
DI Humphrey Goodman: That's very French of you, Catherine.
Catherine Bordey: And so English of you not to.
DI Humphrey Goodman: Perhaps. I've made my bed, and I'll lie in it.
Catherine Bordey: Alone. (00:02:55)
DS Florence Cassell: Did you threaten to kill Stevie?
Jim Smith: Oh, right. Er... I don't know. Might have, yeah. Well, we say it all the time, right? I mean, I wouldn't actually kill him.He's like a brother to me.
DS Florence Cassell: He IS your brother!
Jim Smith: Yeah, it's right, that. (00:24:20)
DI Humphrey Goodman: So, there's something I'd like to talk to you about. Something's been playing on my mind.
Martha Lloyd: Sounds serious.
DI Humphrey Goodman: Well, I wouldn't say it was serious necessarily, but to the same extent, I wouldn't want you to think it was something I took lightly. Er...and in that respect, er... it would be great to get your thoughts on the matter.
Martha Lloyd: I agree. We should kiss.
DI Humphrey Goodman: Do you?
Martha Lloyd: And I think we should do it now.
DI Humphrey Goodman: Really?
Martha Lloyd: Right now, in fact.
DI Humphrey Goodman: Blimey. I mean, if you absolutely insist...
Martha Lloyd: I do. (00:50:00)
DI Humphrey Goodman: Hook-a-duck.
DS Camille Bordey: What-a-what?
DI Humphrey Goodman: Hook-a-duck. Every summer when I was growing up, a funfair would pitch up on the village green. There'd be a carousel and a ghost train and hook-a-duck. It's those little rubber ducks bobbing around on a paddling pool. You had to try and hook them with a little fishing rod and if you got the one with the star on its bottom, you won the most fantastic prize.
DS Camille Bordey: A-ha...what was the prize?
DI Humphrey Goodman: A goldfish. In a plastic bag.
DS Camille Bordey: You had a very dull childhood, didn't you?
DI Humphrey Goodman: Every year, I'd hook a duck
DS Camille Bordey: No star?
DI Humphrey Goodman: Not once.
DS Camille Bordey: HOW is that AT ALL relevant?
DI Humphrey Goodman: Probability. See, the odds were stacked against me. As are the odds stacked against the murderer killing his intended victim. (00:09:50)
Officer Dwayne Myers: Hold on, Chief. Commissioner...
DI Richard Poole: ...wants us to focus on the bootleggers, but he'll have to wait. He's probably busy anyway, tucking into some lobster...or swallowing down an over-priced bottle of plonk...
Commissioner Selwyn Patterson: Or standing behind you.
DI Richard Poole: ...Or standing behind me. And as a gentleman and a scholar, able to take a joke in the spirit that it was intended.
Commissioner Selwyn Patterson: I'd happily take anything if you've some progress on my bootleggers. (00:17:30)
DI Richard Poole: You know, my Grandparents had a dog called Laddie. Irish setter. You know, he was probably my best friend, you know, growing up. And when I was 11, he was he was hit by a milk...well, it wasn't a milk float, it was a milk van...Anyway, the point the point I'm trying to make is that...Look, it was very difficult for me, you know. And I was upset for weeks, months even.
DS Camille Bordey: Sir, Aimee was my friend, not a pet. That's different.
DI Richard Poole: No, no, of course, I was, I mean, that was just sort of just trying to show you I understand and can be supportive.
DS Camille Bordey: Yeah, well, you don't really seem to have any friends, so I'm not sure how you could possibly understand.
DI Richard Poole: He was a very clever dog, you know, he could do tricks.
DS Camille Bordey: Please, don't support me any more.
DI Richard Poole: No. Sorry. (00:10:30)
Commissioner Selwyn Patterson: I'm going to let you run with this. For now. Not because I think you're right, but simply because there is something I've always wanted to say since I joined the force.
"You've got 24 hours to solve this case." Do we understand each other? (00:24:30)
Officer Dwayne Myers: Not long after, she joined the convent. You think she can be happy?
DS Camille Bordey: You mean, without you?
DI Richard Poole: Dwayne, she married Christ. You could never compete - not with the miracles and the father-in-law.
Officer Dwayne Myers: Ah, but does He have my killer smile? (00:16:00)
DI Richard Poole: Everyone had a motive.
Neville : Ahem, you missed someone.
DI Richard Poole: No.
DI Richard Poole: Well, you didn't do it...
Neville: Could have!
DI Richard Poole: Really? What was your motive?
Neville: He owed me money?
DI Richard Poole: Did he?
[DI Richard Poole sighs, shakes his head and moves on]. (00:46:05)