Morticia: Mr. Addams' treatment for Grandmama's back had the whole medical world agog.
Gomez: Agog? Aghast.
Gomez: Somebody... down there... likes me.
Wednesday: Dear Santa, we just wanted you to know that even though Mr. Thompson says that there was no such thing as Santa Claus, we didn't believe him. So please come or else it will make us look like dummies. Signed Wednesday and Pugsley Addams.
Gomez: The L stands for Lucifer.
Morticia: Very appropriate for a politician.
Grandmama Addams: Fester, You're not cheating.
Uncle Fester: Sorry.
Morticia: Look at Mr. Addams. He's always developing outside interests.
Gomez: Right now I have the most enviable collection of coroner's reports in the neighborhood.
Wednesday: Either that's Grandmamma or Santa Claus is a woman.
Pugsley: Either that or Grandmama's a man.
Morticia: Think of Romeo and Juliet.
Gomez: They died.
Morticia: Oh, but what fun they had those last three days.