Helen: It sounds like a boy Garry's age needs a man around the house.
Tod: Well, it depends on the man. I had a man around. He used to wake me up every morning by flicking lit cigarettes at my head. He'd say, "Hey, asshole, get up and make me breakfast." You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.
Gil: We'll throw away the TV. We'll perform Shakespeare in front of him.
Nathan: Did he say "Cool"?
Gil: Keep Patty away from Larry - suck the intelligence right out of her.
Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.
Justin: Who's that?
Gil: It's my kid brother, Larry, your uncle. Don't give him any money.
Justin: I won't.
Marilyn Buckman: Cool is adorable. Adorable! Why didn't you write us when you had a son?
Larry Buckman: I didn't know myself until a couple of months ago. You see, a few years ago, I was living in Vegas with this girl. Showgirl. She was in that show 'Elvis On Ice'. Anyhow, we drifted apart, as people do in these complicated times, and then a couple of months ago, she shows up with Cool and tells me "You watch him. I shot someone. I have to leave the country " That's a parent?
Julie: I can't do this! This is too intense.
Helen: This is marriage.
Garry: What is it with all the women in this family, that makes all the men in this family wanna leave?