Tucker: What am I supposed to say, Dale?"Oh hidy-ho officer! We've had a doozy of a day. There we were minding our own business, just doing chores around the house when kids started killing themselves all over my property."
Dale: Yeah, yeah, just like that.
Tucker: They're never gonna believe that.
Dale: But that's exactly what happened.
Jason: You shouldn't be smoking anyway, Chloe. It's not good for you.
Chloe: Yeah, well, fucking dying isn't good for you either, but that doesn't seem to be stopping anybody.
Dale: You want a killer hillbilly? I'll show you a killer hillbilly.
Allison: It's true, Chad. You're half hillbilly.
Tucker: He's heavy for half a guy.
Dale: I told you, Tucker. I'm a zero with the ladies... they hate my face.
Tucker: Holy shit. We have go to hide all of the sharp objects.
Tucker: When you see a college girl prancin' around in front of you half naked, you do not call out my name.