Cricket Feldstein: You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose.
Dana Marschz: Oh my god, writing is so hard.
Dana Marschz: We are putting on this play and if you don't like it, then tough titties you assturd monkey fucker.
Dana Marschz: It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail.
Cricket Feldstein: Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.
Dana Marschz: Uh... yeah.
Cricket Feldstein: Y'know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, 'cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity.
Dana Marschz: Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet.
Elisabeth Shue: That was a sink.
Dana Marschz: It was?
Cricket Feldstein: No one is shutting down this play. The Justice Department and the so-called Supreme Court can suck my balls.
Dana Marschz: Why do they have to do this?
Cricket Feldstein: My balls?
Dana Marschz: I feel like I'm in a cage! And I feel like Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas! Starring my good friend, Elisabeth Shue.