Dr. Stan Weathers: You don't feel normal?
Charlie Bartlett: My family has a psychiatrist on call. How normal can I be?
Charlie Bartlett: Well, duh, dude, this place sucks, but I just worry that one day we're gonna look back at high school and wish we'd done something different.
Principal Gardner: Oh, I encourage you to listen all you like, but let's face it, you're not a professional.
Marilyn Bartlett: No.
Principal Gardner: And these medications have a legitimate use. They've helped a lot of people. It's a generational thing. You know teenagers always find a way to abuse something. And why not, right? Being zonked out of your mind is a lot more fun than dealing with your problems.
Susan Gardner: What's the deal with your father?
Charlie Bartlett: Does that really have to be the next question?
Susan Gardner: Yes. The harder the question, the greater the reward.
Charlie Bartlett: He's in prison. My Mom went into a pretty bad depression when he got arrested. So, uh, when he was out on bail he took me out for ice cream. He told me I had to take care of her. So, I promised him I would. And um, I've been taking care of her ever since.
Susan Gardner: So who takes care of you?
Murphy Bivens: I'll see you in the sequel, bitch.
Charlie Bartlett: Oh, trust me, Doc, bringing psychiatric drugs and teenagers together is like opening a lemonade stand in the desert.
Principal Nathan Gardner: Never, never attack a drunk guy with a gun.