Roy: Hey, Herbie! How's life?
Scranton Wino: Taking forever.
McKnight Bowl Bartender: So, you two are dictionary salesmen?
Roy: You would be punctilious in assuming that."
Ishmael: Hey everybody there's a shit cloud coming! Run for your lives.
Neighbor: Roy, can you get sick drinkin' piss?
Roy: I think you can.
Neighbor: Even if it's your own?
Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I'll lose my entire bonus check because I'm so bombed.
McKnight Bowl Bartender: You get that way from ginger ale?
Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.
Ishmael: You been drinking, Mr. Munson?
Roy: I don't puke when I drink. I puke when I don't.
Mr. Boorg: Ishmael always was a strange boy, but he means well.
Ernie McCracken: You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.
Roy: Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don't mow another guy's lawn.
Roy: WHO you callin' A psycho?
1979 Waitress: Tanqueray and Tab.
Ernie McCracken: Keep 'em comin', sweets, I got a long drive. Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?
Roy: Some of the dresses ya' got, ya' need two hairdos to wear.
Claudia: Your act is about as fresh as a Foghat concert.
espn Announcer: So Roy, where have you been for the last fifteen years?
Roy: Well, I uh, well, ya see, I uh... Drinking. Lot a drinking.
espn Announcer: I see. Well, are you still drinking?
Roy: No. I uh... I put... uh... Why, you buying?