Knocked Up (2007)

Young Doctor: How long you kids been married?
Ben Stone: We're not married.
Young Doctor: Are you single?
Ben Stone: She's not single, she's just not married.
Young Doctor: Are you two together?

Sadie: Where do babies come from?
Debbie: Where do you think they come from?
Sadie: Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby.
Debbie: That's exactly right.

Martin: You guys aren't suppose to make fun at me that's not part of the rules.
Jason: Martin why didn't you just listen when I was explaining the rules? You just looked at me with that blank stare of yours - it was like talking to a wax statue.

Ben's Dad: If it grows from the ground, it's probably okay.

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit.
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal.

Ben Stone: Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.

Jonah: I won't say it but it rhymes with shmashmortion.

Debbie: I gotta go, Sadie might have the chicken pox.
Jason: I had the chicken pox three times. I have no immunity to it.
Ben Stone: We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.
Jason: It's not herpes if it's everywhere.

Doorman: What the fuck is she doing at the club? That's not even good parenting right there. Your old ass should know better than that.

Pete: I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.
Ben Stone: That's sad.
Pete: Totally sad. Their smiling faces just point out your inability to enjoy anything.

Fantasy Baseball Guy #1: Hey, don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out.

Jason: Granted, gynecology is only a hobby of mine, but it sounds to me like she's crowning.

Pete: You look like a cholo dressed up for Easter.

Jonah: Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?
Martin: Oh, another beard joke?
Jonah: How did it feel changing your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?
Martin: It was really awkward.
Jonah: See ya... Scorcese on coke.

Martin: Whatever. I'm glad I'm not a Jew.
Ben Stone: So are we.
Ben Stone: You weren't chosen for a reason.

Jason: Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.

Ben Stone: If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in "Munich."

Debbie: You think because you don't yell, you're not mean. This is mean.

Alison Scott: Why don't you go fuck your fucking bong you fuck.
Ben Stone: I will! I'll do it doggy style, too! For once.

Ben Stone: Yeah, it's a cure-all. My buddy Jonah broke his elbow one time. He just smoked some weed. It still clicks, but it's cool.