Mall Santa: We're not just doing this for us. We're doing it for the kids. For every kid who ever sat on Santa's lap. For every little girl who left cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas night. For every little boy who opens a package Christmas morning and finds clothes instead of toys. It breaks my heart.
Myron Larabee: We get one day a year to prove we're not screw-ups and what do we do? We screw it up.
Howard Langston: I gotta tell you, Santa, there's something about this place that doesn't seem quite... Kosher.
Mall Santa: Kosher? This coming from a guy who assaulted a toddler for a super ball?
Myron Larabee: How about these stupid letters from kids to Santa at the North Pole: "Dear Santa, Can you send me a bike and a slinky?" No! Your father's been laid off.
Ted Maltin: Howard, I'm of the mind set you can never do too much to make a child's Christmas magical.