Jay: Hey, aren't you the guy that fucked the pie?
Jason Biggs: Yeah, yeah. You see? You see? It's never...it's never "Hey you were in Losers, weren't you?" Or "Dude, you rocked in Boys and Girls." No, it always comes back to that fucking pie. I'm haunted by it!
James Van Der Beek: You put your dick in a pie.
Jason Biggs: Enough.
Jay: In this world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, the monkey will spank us!
Teenager #1: Jay said you had a Star Wars themed wedding and you tied the knot dressed as Imperial Stormtroopers.
Teenager #2: Oh, and he says you're the bitch and you're the butch.
Dante: I'm the bitch?
Randall: Well, if we were gay, that's certainly the way I'd see it.
Jay: Jay and Justice sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G.
Holden McNeil: I don't think I'm alone in thinking that a Jay and Silent Bob movie is the worst idea Hollywood has had since Greedo shooting first.
Jason Biggs: Don't you recognize me? I'm the pie fucker!
Security Guard: In prison, you'll be the pie.
Devil Jay: Right about here's the part where the angel's supposed to show up and tell you not to pull your dick out, but we bitch slapped that motherfucker and sent him packing!
Mark Hamill: Don't fuck with a Jedi Master, son.
Quick Stop customer: Are you even supposed to be here today?
Dante Hicks: Don't get me started.
Random Passerby: Excuse me, who's watching these babies?
Jay's Mom: The fat one's watching the little one?
Random Passerby: Oh, nice parenting! Leave em out here like that and see what happens!
Jay's Mom: Yo! Fuck you, ya fucking square! Do you hear that guy telling me how to fucking raise you? Motherfucker man! Who's he fucking think he is? What's the worst fucking thing that'll happen if you stand in front of a fucking store, right? Fuck!