Dave: Remember the crazy guy in the woods?
Davis: Ted Kaczynski.
Dave: Who, the guy at Fox?
Lee: The Unabomber.
Dave: Yeah, the Unabomber. Okay? Remember how he lived in that little cabin?
Dave: Hal Weidmann bought that cabin from the government and had it moved onto his property. That is where he edits his movies. That is his little, twisted, sicko office.
Lee: Ladies and gentlemen, here they are... Eddie and Gwen, together again! America's Sweethearts.
Hector: What? I'm not invited to the "hunket?"
Lee: I'm thorry, it wath the thudio'th dethithion.
Wellness Guide: We have a saying, Edward: "Mecka lecka halava, beem sala beem."
Eddie: What is that? Bean salad?
Wellness Guide: "Mecka lecka halava, beem sala beem."
Eddie: What does that mean?
Wellness Guide: I don't know what it means, it's very old.
Gwen: It's just not fair. There's all this pressure on me, and none whatsoever on Eddie, is there? He's probably all Summer having the time of his life.
Lee: They liked the movie. The press actually liked this crazy movie. They're calling it the "Blair Bitch Project."
Gwen: Just smile and shut up.
Lee: Okay, Siegfried and Roy just left the building. They're heading for the pool deck.
Danny: Siegfried and Roy are here?
Lee: No, not the real Siegfri... It's a code. You wanted to play this game, you little schmuck.
Narrator: Eddie Thomas and Gwen Harrison: America's Sweethearts.
Eddie: That's a nice necklace.
Kiki: It's not really mine.
Eddie: I know.
Kiki: It's Gwen's.
Eddie: I know.
Kiki: She gave it to me.
Eddie: And I gave it to her.
Kiki: I know.
Hector: Can I just say something please? Excuse me. What was said about my penis on the screen... that is completely false. Completely! I am extremely well hung. I will submit to a physical inspection right now.
Hector: Maybe you want to take a swing at me? Huh? Tall boy. Come on. Please, come on.
Eddie: What are you...? What is that?
Hector: Let's go. Please. Please, make my day.
Eddie: I'm grateful for the earth... I'm grateful for the stars and the sky.
Lee: Did you cut this yourself?
Danny: Well, no, Chad in Marketing.
Lee: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Always take credit. That is survival rule number one.
Danny: Okay, yes, I did it on my Mac.
Lee: Rule number two: Don't take credit until someone actually says they like what you did. It's not bad.
Eddie: This is Kishtonga Root.
Danny: Felix, this is Oscar. The monkey is in daycare. Repeat, the monkey is in daycare.
Eddie: How can you be in love with someone and not even like them at the same time?
Gwen: Kiki? What was that movie called?
Kiki: I don't give a shit.
Eddie: No, that wasn't it.
Kiki: Good morning. How do you feel?
Eddie: I feel good. I mean... I feel weird, but I feel good. You?
Kiki: Yeah, I feel something along those lines. Good, weird. Weird, good.
Lee: Gwen, your dog just swallowed your window washer.
Lee: Puppy? It's a raptor.
Kiki: Time for Prozac. Excuse me.
Lee: She's on Prozac?
Kiki: If only. The dog.