John Ryan: How long have you and the secretary been married?
Mrs. Cleary: 30 years.
John Ryan: That's beautiful.
Mrs. Cleary: I've only been faithful for 2 of them.
Jeremy Grey: Gloria, I've been doing a lot of soul searching recently, and I think I'm ready to take this relationship, our relationship to the next level.
Gloria Cleary: Jeremy, I am so ready to take it to the next level.
Jeremy Grey: Really?
Gloria Cleary: Yeah. Do you want to watch me with another girl? How about those Brazilian twins we met at the ball game?
Jeremy Grey: I was thinking more along the lines of an engagement.
Gloria Cleary: Oh Jeremy, I do!
Jeremy Grey: I love you.
Gloria Cleary: I love you.
Jeremy Grey: Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.
Jeremy Grey: A friend in need is a pest.
Jeremy Grey: I got a stage five, virgin, clinger.
John Beckwith: You look beat. Soft mattress?
Jeremy Klein: Soft mattress? Maybe, or it could have been the midnight rape, or the nude gay art show. I had my sock, the one that I walked around in all day, played football, sweated in, stuffed in my mouth and duct taped in! I'm going to eat my breakfast over here. Don't talk to me.
John Beckwith: Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They're all very prim and proper.
Jeremy Klein: Yeah? Well, little miss prim and proper just eye-fucked the shit out of me.
Spoiled kid: I want a bicycle!
Jeremy Grey: Listen, a bicycle is going to take a lot of balloons and frankly, uncle Jeremy is a bit tired. How about I make you something else?
Spoiled Kid: I just want a bicycle!
Jeremy Grey: Why are you yelling at me?
Spoiled Kid: Make me a bicycle, clown!
Jeremy Grey: All right, I'm going to make you a bicycle. But I don't want to make you a bicycle.
Spoiled Kid: Shut your mouth, funny guy, and make it.