Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copycat candy making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want one of those squirrels! Get me one of those squirrels!
Mr. Salt: All right dear. Mr. Wonka, how much for one of your squirrels? Name your price.
Willy Wonka: Oh, they're not for sale. She can't have one.
Veruca Salt: Daddy!
Willy Wonka: [impersonating Mr. Salt.] I'm sorry, darling, Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.
Violet Beauregarde: Are they real people?
Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas. Straight from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: Excuse me?
Mr. Teavee: Mr Wonka, I teach high school geography.
Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and what a terrible place it is.
Mr. Teevee: So can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?
Willy Wonka: Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.
Charlie: But could you send it by TV if you wanted to?
Willy Wonka: Of course I could.
Mike Teevee: What about people?
Willy Wonka: Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.
Mrs. Gloop: Augustus, don't eat yourself.
Augustus: But I taste so good!
Mike Teavee: You don't understand anything about science. First off, there's a difference between waves and particles... DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs.
Willy Wonka: MUMBLER! Seriously, I cannot understand a word you're saying!
Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka: Well, beatnicks for one; folk singers and motorbike riders. You know, all those hip, jazzy, super-cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge daddy-o. Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin soul brother.
Willy Wonka: [hiding behind a newspaper while Charlie shines his shoes.] Too bad about that chocolate guy. Walter... Er, Waldo...
Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.
Willy Wonka: Right, him. Did you ever meet him?
Charlie Bucket: I met him. I thought he was great at first. Then he didn't turn out that nice. And he has a funny haircut.
Willy Wonka: [throwing the newspaper down.] I do not!
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want to go in.
Mr Salt: It's 9:59, sweetheart.
Veruca Salt: Make time go faster.
Factual error: In the scene in the glass elevator, when Mike Teavee wants to push a button, he presses the TV Room button. The elevator stops going down and immediately moves horizontally. The characters within the elevator are thrown against the wall from the sudden change. However, they are thrown against the wall that is in the direction the elevator is now moving, instead of the opposite wall as they should have been. (01:20:15)
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