Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka! I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copycat candy making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.
Willy Wonka: Good morning starshine...the earth says hello!
Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called canibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
Mrs. Gloop: Zen he vil be made into strawberry flavoured chocolate coated fudge, to be sold by the pound, all over the world?
Willy Wonka: No, I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine: Augustus flavored chocolate coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it.
Willy Wonka: Don't touch that squirrel's nuts!
Violet Beauregarde: I'm Violet Beauregarde.
Willy Wonka: I don't care.
Willy Wonka: I've tried it on, like, 20 Oompa Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!
Willy Wonka: [hiding behind a newspaper while Charlie shines his shoes.] Too bad about that chocolate guy. Walter... Er, Waldo...
Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.
Willy Wonka: Right, him. Did you ever meet him?
Charlie Bucket: I met him. I thought he was great at first. Then he didn't turn out that nice. And he has a funny haircut.
Willy Wonka: [throwing the newspaper down.] I do not!
Mike Teavee: Why is everything here completely pointless?
Charlie Bucket: Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.
Mr. Teevee: So can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?
Willy Wonka: Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.
Charlie: But could you send it by TV if you wanted to?
Willy Wonka: Of course you could.
Mike Teevee: What about people?
Willy Wonka: Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.
Mrs. Beauregarde: I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
Veruca Salt: You could put her in a county fair.
Mike Teavee: Are they real people?
Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas.
Mr. Salt: Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: imported, direct from Loompa Land
Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: what?
Mr. Teavee: Mr Wonka, I teach high school geography and I'm here to tell you -
Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and oh, what a terrible country it is.
Mr.Salt: All right dear, Daddy will get you a squirrel as soon as he possibly can.
Veruca Salt: but I don't want any old squirrel! I want a trained squirrel!
Willy Wonka: Oh, they're not for sale. She can't have one.
Veruca Salt: Daddy!
Willy Wonka: [impersonating Mr. Salt.] I'm sorry, darling, Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.
Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka: Well, beatnicks for one; folk singers and motorbike riders. You know, all those hip, jazzy, super-cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge daddy-o. Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin soul brother.
Mike Teavee: You don't understand anything about science. First off, there's a difference between waves and particles... DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs.
Willy Wonka: MUMBLER! Seriously, I cannot understand a word you're saying!
Mrs. Gloop: Augustus, don't eat yourself.
Augustus: But I taste so good!
Willy Wonka: This is the puppet hospital and burns unit. It's relatively new.
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want to go in.
Mr Salt: It's 9:59, sweetheart.
Veruca Salt: Make time go faster.