Kicking and Screaming (2005)

Mike Ditka: Way to go, Bing Bong.

Phil Weston: Pizza at my house.

Sam Weston: You gotta lighten up.
Phil Weston: He started it.

Mike Ditka: New game plan - pass the ball to the EYEtalians.

Mike Ditka: Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions.

Phil Weston: I am angry. I'm like a large tornado of anger, swirling about.

Phil Weston: They're like 4-foot whirling dervishes. I don't even know what a whirling dervish is but that's what they're like.

Phil Weston: You're my assistant. You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juicebox.
Mike Ditka: DO you know WHO you'RE talking to?
Phil Weston: I'm talkin' to the juicebox guy.
Mike Ditka: You're crazy.
Phil Weston: I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty.
Mike Ditka: OH, you GO to hell.
Phil Weston: No, you go to hell, and while you're there, why don't you grab me a juicebox.

Phil Weston: OK, you caught me. The finches were a bad idea. And I wasn't gonna say anything, but I think some of them may have salmonella. A fair amount, in fact. I may have inadvertently poisoned your children.

Byong Sun: Whoo! It's electric in the air! Yeah.

Phil Weston: I was born a baby, a blank slate. I thought I was in control of my own destiny, and then I met my dad.

Neighbor: Shut UP OUT there.
Phil Weston: You shut UP in there.

Phil Weston: Every time you say something back to me, it makes me love you more.
Buck Weston: Heh.

Ann Hogan: You ease up on him.
Phil Weston: You just ease up there on your corduroy jacket.

Mike Ditka: Did you just kick your son?
Phil Weston: Yeah.

Phil Weston: Are you a robot-woman? Are you a robot?
Barbara Weston: I am not a robot.

Buck Weston: You know how hard it's been for me ever since your mom died.
Phil Weston: She didn't die! She divorced you.
Buck Weston: Ehh... tomatoes, tomahtoes.

Buck Weston: I take a vitamin everyday. It's called a steak.

Phil Weston: This is Gian Piero and Massimo. They're apprentice butchers.
Mark Avery: Could the blacksmiths and candlestick makers not make it?
Mike Ditka: Shut up.

Mike Ditka: Every good thing starts with a Brat.