Phil Weston: They're like 4-foot whirling dervishes. I don't even know what a whirling dervish is but that's what they're like.
Phil Weston: You're my assistant. You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juicebox.
Mike Ditka: DO you know WHO you'RE talking to?
Phil Weston: I'm talkin' to the juicebox guy.
Mike Ditka: You're crazy.
Phil Weston: I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty.
Mike Ditka: OH, you GO to hell.
Phil Weston: No, you go to hell, and while you're there, why don't you grab me a juicebox.
Phil Weston: OK, you caught me. The finches were a bad idea. And I wasn't gonna say anything, but I think some of them may have salmonella. A fair amount, in fact. I may have inadvertently poisoned your children.
Phil Weston: I was born a baby, a blank slate. I thought I was in control of my own destiny, and then I met my dad.
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