Dr. Irving Finegarten: He bought her this boat on their 14th wedding anniversary. They sailed her to Catalina. Sally flew home. I don't think Felix has been on her more than once or twice since then.
Ben Coogan: No wonder Sally wants a divorce.
Dr. Irving Finegarten: Because he bought her a boat?
Ben Coogan: Well, he's only been on her once or twice since.
Dr. Irving Finegarten: On the boat.
Tim Culley: It's been my experience that every time I think I know "where it's at," it's really somewhere else.
Ben Coogan: What are we going to do with him? It?
Tim Culley: I've been thinking: a burial at sea.
Ben Coogan: Beautiful. A burial at sea.
Ben Coogan: I don't like to be a party pooper, but I get seasick.
Dr. Irving Finegarten: A-ha! The last of your excremental bodily functions! Worthy of the Guinness Book of Records.
Felix Farmer: If you want to dramatize the evils of prostitution, corrupt a virgin, not a whore.
Sally Miles: I am going to show my boobies. Are you here to see my boobies?
Dr. Irving Finegarten: Hello Polly.
Polly Reed: Irving.
Dr. Irving Finegarten: You look like an anemic turtle.
Polly Reed: You're gonna let that shyster on?
Dr. Irving Finegarten: I could sue you for calling me that, Polly! A shyster is a disreputable lawyer. I'M a quack.
Tim Culley: What'd you give him?
Dr. Irving Finegarten: Oh, a pinch of this, a dash of that. Sometimes referred to in the trade as a Sleeping Beauty Boilermaker. Take no notice if he begins to levitate. It's a common side effect.
Dr. Irving Finegarten: What is that?
Tim Culley: Sounds like someone left a faucet running.
Ben Coogan: I'm peeing.
Dr. Irving Finegarten: Into what?
Ben Coogan: My pants.
Agnes: I mean, how erotic do you really want to go?
Felix Farmer: Go, go, E-R-O-T-I-C! GO! GO.
Agnes: Sally Miles, America's G-rated darling, in the B-U-F-F?
Felix Farmer: Why not?
Agnes: Ohhhh, Felix darling, some of her fans still don't think she goes to the bathroom.