George Spiggott: You fill me with inertia.
Stanley Moon: Well, I suppose Lust and Gluttony really have to be rather near the bathroom.
George Spiggott: In the words of Marcel Proust - and this applies to any woman in the world: If you can stay up and listen with a fair degree of attention to whatever garbage, no matter how stupid it is, that they're coming out with, 'til ten minutes past four in the morning... you're in.
George Spiggott: Very well, Mister Moon! In order to prove that I am indeed the Unholy One, a Frobisher and Gleason raspberry-flavored ice lolly shall be yours - in a trice.
George Spiggott: Good evening. I couldn't help noticing that you were making an unsuccessful suicide bid.
George Spiggott: It's the standard contract. Gives you seven wishes in accordance with the mystic rules of life. Seven Days of the Week, Seven Deadly Sins, Seven Seas, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
Insp. Reg Clarke: Can you remember your exact last words to him?
Margaret Spencer: I think it was "Wimpy Burgers twice, 1 MR, 1 well, heavy on the onions."
George Spiggott: Most of the saints throughout history have been a pain in the neck.
George Spiggott: You see, a soul's rather like your appendix: totally expendable.
George Spiggott: You realise that suicide's a criminal offense. In less enlightened times they'd have hung you for it.
George Spiggott: Don't let me interfere with your doing away with yourself.
George Spiggott: Just putting a tiny little ventilation hole in this oil tanker.
George Spiggott: There was a time when I used to get lots of ideas... I thought up the Seven Deadly Sins in one afternoon. The only thing I've come up with recently is advertising.
George Spiggott: What terrible sins I have working for me. I suppose it's the wages.
George Spiggott: We've been hit very badly by this peace scare.
George Spiggott: This is the club room. Quite nicely decorated and painted - early Hitler.
George Spiggott: The garden of Eden was a boggy swamp just south of Croydon. You can see it over there.
George Spiggott: I'm the Horned One. The Devil. Let me give you my card.
George Spiggott: Job was what you'd technically describe as a loony.