Edward D. Wood, Jr.: I'm a movie director.
Tor Johnson: Movies? You mean like the Mickey Mouse?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Are you people insane? I'm the director. I make the casting decisions around here.
Bunny Breckinridge: What about glitter? When I was a headliner in Paris, audiences always liked it when I sparkled.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No.
Bunny Breckinridge: Cat's Eyes.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No.
Bunny Breckinridge: Well, I'm going to need some antennae.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No! You're the ruler of the galaxy! Show a little taste.
Dolores Fuller: You people are insane! You're wasting your lives making shit! Nobody cares! These movies are terrible.
Vampira: You're watching our Halloween movie, "White Zombie", starring Bela Lugosi, John Harron, Madge Bellamy, and a bunch of other people I've never heard of.
Criswell: Eddie, we're in show biz. It's all about razzle-dazzle. Appearances. If you look good, and you talk well, people will swallow anything.
Orson Welles: Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dreams?
Waiter: Hi, would you like some water?
Loretta King: No. No water. No liquids! I'm terribly allergic to them.
Bela Lugosi: I refuse to drive in this country. Too many madmen.
Bela Lugosi: This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in. Your selection is quite shoddy. You are wasting my time.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: This story's gonna grab people. It's about this guy, he's crazy about this girl, but he likes to wear dresses. Should he tell her? Should he not tell her? He's torn, Georgie. This is drama.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: They're driving me crazy. These Baptists are stupid. Stupid. stupid.
Bunny Breckinridge: Oh, what does that old queen know?
Criswell: Bela, would you like a wine?
Bela Lugosi: No. I never drink... wine.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime, grab some dinner, maybe?
Vampira: You mean a date? I thought you were a fag.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, no, I'm just a transvestite.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: I met Bela Lugosi.
Dolores Fuller: Why, I thought he was dead.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, he's very much alive. Well, sort of.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: I like to dress in women's clothing.
Georgie Weiss: You're a fruit?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, not at all. I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
Georgie Weiss: You're not a fruit?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, I'm all man. I even fought in W.W.2. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: We don't have a permit. Run.