Clerk: Do you swear on the Constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Jive Man: Ain't no thing.
Defense Attorney: Would you describe, in your own words, what happened that night?
Jive Man: Check it, bleed. Bro was on! Didn't trip. But the folks was freakin', man. Hey, and the pilots were laid to the bones, Homes. So Blood hammered out and jammed jet ship. Tightened that bad sucker inside the runway like a mother. Shit.
McCroskey : Would somebody please tell me what in Sam Hill a woman is doing up there in charge of that ship?
Jacobs: Well, maybe she's got her ship together.
Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.
Jacobs: Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it.
Buck Murdock: Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.
Prosecutor: Dr. Stone, would you give the court your impression of Mr. Striker?
Dr. Stone: I'm sorry, I don't do impressions... My training is in psychiatry.
Striker: Where am I going to find a piece of metal? Here. In space. At this hour?
Jimmy: Dad never slaps me around at home, must be his coffee.
Jimmy's Mom: No, I've been serving him decaf. Maybe he's just an asshole.
Buck Murdock: We'd better get to the tower, Lieutenant.
Lt. Pervis: We have no tower, sir.
Buck Murdock: No tower?
Lt. Pervis: Just a bridge, sir.
Buck Murdock: Why the hell aren't I notified about these things?
Elaine Dickinson: Ted, I have the strangest feeling we've been through this exact same thing before.