Art Ridzik: Captain Danko, congratulations. You are now the proud owner of the most powerful handgun in the world.
Ivan Danko: Soviet Podbyrin, nine-point-two milimeter, is world's most powerful handgun.
Art Ridzik: Oh, come on, everybody knows the .44 Magnum is the big boy on the block. Why do you think Dirty Harry uses it?
Ivan Danko: Who is Dirty Harry?
Commander Lou Donnelly CPD: Since I figure cops are cops the world over, how do you Soviets deal with all the tension and stress?
Ivan Danko: Vodka.
Art Ridzik: Oh, great. We got a pro basketball team coming toward us - with guns.
Viktor Rostavili: We both have our codes, Vanya. Yours, one of the State. Mine, one of thieves.
Viktor Rostavili: I thought you might be more reasonable. Money has a way of doing that to a man. But no, I don't think so. Not with you. You are one of those types of Soviets who only looks forward to death. I know you well, Vanya. Without me, you don't even exist.
Viktor Rostavili: Any country that can survive Stalin can certainly handle a little dope.