The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
Movie Quote Quiz

Ed Earl: Boys, I got myself a pretty good bullshit detector, and I can tell when somebody's peeing on my boots and telling me it's a rainstorm.

Melvin P. Thorpe: The power of television, of public exposure - it scares me. I swear, I could get the mayor's own children to throw rocks at him.

Miss Mona: Ed Earl, I think the best thing to do is to put this behind us, just as quick as we can. I've made a little money, I've laughed some, I've danced to the music... it's just time to pay the fiddler, that's all.

Miss Mona: Don't feel sorry for me. I started out poor, and I worked my way up to outcast.

Miss Mona: Now that's what the little silver snaps are for.

Miss Mona: Well, one of those nights when you ain't on duty, you drop in out there. My girls'll love to show you a little appreciation.
Deputy Fred: Shoot, Miss Mona - you know I'm a married man.
Miss Mona: Oh, Fred, you mean to tell me you don't think the cows don't appreciate the time off when a bull goes over to another pasture?

Ed Earl: They want me to close her down, run her out of town. How can I ask her to leave when all I want her to do is stay?

Deputy Fred: So, for awhile, as the story goes, the girls begin accepting poultry in trade: one bird, one lay. And that's how the place got its name: The Chicken Ranch.

Miss Mona: I couldn't be a ballerina now. I'm too top-heavy. I have a hard enough time balancin' these things now without gettin' on my toes.

Miss Mona: Well fine! Then I'm getting dressed and going home.
Ed Earl: Well fine! I'm going into the bathroom and... put this on.

Female Reporter: Governor, what do you think of the, the crisis in the Middle East?
The Governor: I was sayin' just this morning at the weekly prayer breakfast, in this historic capital, that it behooves both the Jews and the Arabs to settle their differences in a Christian manner.

Miss Mona: You know what burns my ass?
Ed Earl: What?
Miss Mona: A flame about three feet high.

Jewel: Honey, we see everything in this profession, but one thing I ain't never seen - man or woman - is a grown-up.

Ed Earl: I'm gonna knock you so flat, you'll have to roll down your socks to shit.

Deputy Fred: Everybody liked Ed Earl - especially Ed Earl.

Other mistake: When the Aggies are in the locker room after the football game, they are all getting undressed and showering. This is happening right after the game yet none of them have a spot of dirt on their nice white uniform pants. (00:59:50)

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