Horse Feathers
Movie Quote Quiz

Professor Wagstaff: So! I caught you at last. Then you are fooling around with this woman. Oh, the shame of it! That I should live to see a son of mine try to take a dame away from his father.
Frank: Dad, I can.
Professor Wagstaff: Enough of this. You leave here immediately and I'll stay here and settle with this woman. And as soon as we're settled, we'll have you over for dinner. On second thought, I'll go with you. Come, follow me.

Baravelli: Oh, Professor, I no see you. What are you doing here?
Professor Wagstaff: Nothing, right now. But, I was doing all right until you came in.
Connie: Oh, so you know the Professor.
Baravelli: Sure. He put me in business. He got me on the football team.
Professor Wagstaff: Now all's I gotta do is get him off the couch.

Professor Wagstaff: You're heading for a breakdown, why don't you pull yourself to pieces?

Biology Professor: Here is the liver.
Professor Wagstaff: What, no bacon? I'd send that back if I were you.

Jennings: Baravelli, I've got a proposition for you.
Professor Wagstaff: Watch yourself, Baravelli. He's almost as crooked as you are.

Professor Wagstaff: Who was that?
Connie: The iceman.
Professor Wagstaff: Is that so? Well, you can't pull the wool over my ice.
Connie: Oh.
Professor Wagstaff: That iceman stuff leaves me cold. And if I leave you cold, I'm not the man I used to be.

Jennings: Now look, all you've got to do is to get to Professor Wagstaff. He's got the Huxley signals and I'm depending on you to get them here before the game.
Connie: Yes, but how?
Jennings: You know how! Romance him, baby. Romance him. And remember, all you're to get is football signals.

Baravelli: You gotta brother?
Mullen: No.
Baravelli: You gotta sister?
Mullen: Yeah.
Baravelli: Well-a, you sister, she's a very sick man, you better come with us.
Mullen: Yeah? What happened to her?
Baravelli: She hadda accident in her automobile.
McCarthy: Ah, she has no automobile.
Baravelli: Well-a, maybe she's-a fall off-a horse. I don't-a look very close. Come on, we take you in our car.
Mullen: You will, eh? Well, I have no sister.
Baravelli: That's all right. We no gotta car. Come on.

Frank: There's nothing wrong between me and the college widow.
Professor Wagstaff: There isn't, huh? Then you're crazy to fool around with her.

Retiring President: Professor Wagstaff, now that you have stepped into my shoes.
Professor Wagstaff: Oh, is that what I stepped in? I wondered what it was. If these are your shoes, the least you can do is have 'em cleaned.

Connie: Oh, Professor, you're full of whimsy.
Professor Wagstaff: Can you notice it from there? I'm always that way after I eat radishes.

Professor Wagstaff: Listen, madame, you've gotta give my son up.
Connie: Give him up?
Professor Wagstaff: You can't take him from me. He's all I've got in the world except a picture of George Washington crossing the Delaware.
Connie: But, Professor, I.
Professor Wagstaff: Whatever you say is a lie. He's only a shell of his former self, which nobody can deny. Whoopee.
Connie: Oh.
Professor Wagstaff: I tell you, you're ruining that boy. You're ruining him. Why can't you do as much for me?

Professor Wagstaff: I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.

Professor Wagstaff: Why, I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.

Jennings: I want to talk to Baravelli. Now, you wouldn't mind stepping out, would you?
Professor Wagstaff: Well, I'd love to step out, but, I'd have to see the girl first.

Professor Wagstaff: What's all this talk I hear about you fooling around with the college widow? No wonder you can't get out of college. Twelve years in one college! I went to three colleges in twelve years and fooled around with three college widows. When I was your age I went to bed right after supper. Sometimes I went to bed before supper. Sometimes I went without my supper and I didn't go to bed at all. A college widow stood for something in those days. In fact she stood for plenty.

Baravelli: Well, that's the last time we deliver ice unless you pay the bill.
Professor Wagstaff: How much do we owe you?
Baravelli: Two thousand dollars.
Professor Wagstaff: Two thousand dollars for ice? I can get an Eskimo for two hundred dollars and make my own ice.

Professor Wagstaff: Oh, I love sitting on your lap. I could sit here all day if you didn't stand up.

Professor Wagstaff: In case I never see you again, which would add ten years to my life, what would you fellas want to play football?
Baravelli: Well, first we want a football.
Professor Wagstaff: Well, I don't know if we've got a football, but if I can find one, would you be interested? I don't want a hasty answer, just sleep on it.
Baravelli: I no think I can sleep on a football.

Frank: Anything further, Father?
Professor Wagstaff: Anything further, Father? That can't be right. Isn't it anything farther, further?

Continuity mistake: When Chico and Harpo bring Groucho ice in his office at Huxley College, Harpo is wearing some kind of earmuffs. Between shots they change from going round his chin to behind his head.

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