Bo: There's a monster outside my room, can I have a glass of water?
Graham Hess: It's happening.
Morgan: I think God did it.
Officer Caroline: Merrill... how's work at the gas station?
Merrill: Stimulating.
Graham Hess: Everybody in this family needs to just calm down and eat some fruit or something.
Graham Hess: Swing away Merrill. Merrill... swing away.
Officer Caroline: What kind of a machine bends a stalk of corn without breaking it?
Graham Hess: It can't be by hand, it's too perfect.
Merrill: Hey, you guys okay?
Morgan: Some guy had a sign saying it was the end of the world.
Merrill: Don't worry.
Morgan: You won't let anything happen to us, right?
Merrill: No way.
Morgan: I wish you were my dad.
Merrill: What did you say? Don't you ever say anything like that again. Ever.
Merrill: Move children! Vámanos.
Tracy Abernathy: I swore 37 times in the last month. I said the 'f-word' a couple of times, but it was mostly 'shit's and 'bastard's. Is 'douche bag' a curse?
Graham Hess: I suppose it would depend on its usage.
Tracy Abernathy: How about "John you're a douche bag for kissing Barbara"?
Graham Hess: It's a curse.
Tracy Abernathy: Oh, well then it's not 37 times it's 71 times.
Morgan: They said there are one of two outcomes of an invasion. One: they fight, and are defeated, and have to return again with full forces hundreds or even thousands of years later.
Graham Hess: What's two?
Morgan: They win.
Caroline: Old Mrs. Kendleman twisted her ankle, as she puts it, diving for her life when a bunch of school kids rode down the sidewalk on skateboards. She went down to Thornton's store this morning and started spitting on the new skateboards. Spitting! By the time I got there, Mrs. Kendlemen had sprayed the whole damn place. And she must have had a cold or something. I'm telling you, I won't eat for a week. So, what happened to your crops?
Graham Hess: See this is why we're not watching TV, people become obsessed.
Morgan: It's not contaminated, you don't even know what that word means.
Graham Hess: I don't want any of you spending time with Tracy Abernathy alone. Understand?
Merrill: Excluding the possibility that a female Scandinavian Olympian was running around outside our house last night, what else might be a possibility?
Officer Caroline: I'm not done asking questions. And I don't appreciate sarcasm.
Bo: Are you in my dream too?
Merrill: The nerds were right.
Graham Hess: What are you thinking about?
Bo: Why do you talk to Mom when you're by yourself?
Graham Hess: Makes me feel better.
Bo: Does she ever answer back?
Graham Hess: No.
Bo: She never answers me either.
Graham Hess: We're going to board up every window in this house.
Merrill: How do you know boards will do anything?
Graham Hess: Because they seem to have trouble with pantry doors.
