Chip: I'm so happy I could shit.
Beverly: Chip, you know how I hate the brown word.
Eugene Sutphin: Beverly, I've read all about this. Is it menopausal?
Beverly: Oh, honey.
Father Boyce: Jesus said nothing to condemn capital punishment as he hung on the cross, did he?
Father Boyce: If ever there was a time to go on record against the death penalty, wasn't it that night? Capital punishment is already the law in the state of Maryland. So what are we waiting for, fellow Christians? Let's just do it.
Chip: Mom, are you a serial killer?
Beverly: The only "serial" I know anything about is Rice Krispies.
Misty Sutphin: I'm stood up! I'll kill that bastard! I mean it, he should be dead that lousy creep! He told me he'd be here! I'll kill him.
Beverly Sutphin: Umm, don't use words unless you mean them, Misty.
Emma Lou Jenson: Keep the change, you son of a psycho.
Birdie: Hey, can I borrow your mother? My Aunt is coming for dinner and she's always getting on my nerves.
Eugene Sutphin: You think the kids are awake?
Beverly: We could be very quiet.
Eugene Sutphin: Oh, honey! You're hot tonight.
Beverly: Oh, yeah.
Eugene Sutphin: Honey, I'm ready.
Misty Sutphin: He killed people, mom.
Beverly Sutphin: We all have our bad days.
Chip Sutphin: If mom's psycho, Scotty will still be okay, won't he?
Eugene Sutphin: We hope so, son. And no matter what your mother is, we'll love her anyway.