Chris Knight: Would you prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it. Nudity.
Mitch: What are you doing?
Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, " I drank what?"
Chris Knight: You see Mitch, I used to be you. And lately I've been missing me so I asked Dr. Hathaway if I could room with me again and he said sure.
Chris Knight: Oh, Kent, that is so unfair! And we were going to make you King of the Winter Carnival.
Chris Knight: Would you qualify that as a launch problem or a design problem?
Professor Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were well on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened?
Chris Knight: I got a haircut?
Chris Knight: You unbelievable bastard.
Professor Hathaway: Count on it.
Chris Knight: Look at it this way. Considering the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong possibility this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives... to have sex.
Mitch: He lied to us.
Chris Knight: It's easy to lie to you, Mitch. You trust people. I'm a cynic.
Chris Knight: You didn't touch anything, did you?
Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy."
Mitch: What is it?
Chris Knight: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
Chris Knight: I'm just kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.
Professor Hathaway: Mitch, will you miss your friends?
Mitch: Well, no. I think I intimidate other kids.
Professor Hathaway: Good boy.
Chris Knight: Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no-one at the mutant hamster races, we only had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother?
Lazlo Hollyfeld: Well, how'd you do?
Chris Knight: How'd I do? I passed! But I failed! Yeah.
Lazlo Hollyfeld: Well, then I'm happy and sad for you.
Chris Knight: Welcome to Pacific Tech's "Smart People on Ice."
Kent: And I suppose you're in on this too. Did you make this stuff?
'Ick' Ikagami: I'm not saying.
Kent: Well who's gonna clean it up?
'Ick' Ikagami: You won't have to. It's gonna go from solid form directly to gas.
Kent: Whoa! Really? What is it?
'Ick' Ikagami: I'm not sayin', but I can tell you it's fairly rare and very unstable.
Chris Knight: Just like you.
Chris Knight: Jerry, if you think that by threatening me you can get me to be your slave... Well, that's where you're right. But - and I am only saying this because I care - there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.
Professor Hathaway: I'm not kidding, Chris.
Chris Knight: Neither am I, Jerry.
Chris Knight: Okay Mitch, I'm gonna make it up to you. Let's just pause, put that down. Let's just take a step back. No, I was wrong, I'm sorry, take a step forward. Now, take a step back. Step forward. Back. And then we're cha-cha-ing.
Mitch: Will you stop it? I'm serious.
Chris Knight: Okay, I'm serious too.
Mitch: This is coherent light.
Mitch's dad: Oh, so it talks.
Kent: Uh, I'll catch up with you guys. I have to go to the bathroom.
Chris Knight: Okay, Kent, but I don't think that's going to help your confidence any, do you?