Buford T. Justice: I've said it before and I'll say it again. There is no way, no way that you could come from my loins. Soon as we get home, I'm gonna put a lump on your mama's head.
Junior: Does this mean I won't be your little tick turd anymore?
Buford T. Justice: Son, you'll always be my tick turd.
Cledus Snow: I get to be the bandit? I don't have to drive the truck, don't have to haul anything but my ass?
Buford T. Justice: Gimme the good old days when a pair of boobs were a couple of dumb guys.
Little Enos: Daddy, we just walked past a Penicillin dispenser.
Big Enos Burdette: I feel like the guest of honor at a crab's convention.
Little Enos: I'd like to kick your ass.
Buford T. Justice: You can't kick that high, cricket crotch.
Buford T. Justice: Junior, retirement is cat shit.
Buford T. Justice: Follow that sum bitch.
Dusty Trails: Is it just me or are you slowing down?
Cledus Snow: Maybe. Think of it this way, what good is the roadrunner without the coyote? What good would the fox be without the hound? What good is the Bandit without the Smokey?