Bride's father: Hey, pal. I'm not paying you to hear your thoughts on life. I'm paying you to sing.
Robbie: Well, I have a microphone, and you don't. SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!
Robbie: Remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.
Robbie: He loves her. But she loves this guy right here. And he loves somebody else. You just can't win. And so it goes 'til the day you die, this thing called love is gonna make you cry. [To Cindy and Scott.] I hate you.