Sheriff Dollard: When the founding fathers wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, what have you. "Liberty and justice for all", they didn't mean that.
Farmer: I can tell you one thing about them founding fathers of America.
Sheriff Dollard: What's that?
Farmer: They sure had fabulous wigs.
Vida Boheme: I think tomorrow is a "Say Something" hat day.
Tommy: Baby, you are a whole lot of woman... and I know what you need.
Noxeema Jackson: I hardly think you're the man to give it to me.
Noxeema Jackson: Ooh, Miss Clara, we gonna make you look like Emma Peel.
Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Lets throw you two a pity party. Two fraidy ol' ladies. You gotta live live before it lives you, you stupid... You gonna be second class you gonna be second rate your whole life.
Vida Boheme: Enchanté.
Vida Boheme: Chi-Chi, you just sit right here. I am going upstairs to have a talk with Miss Noxeema. We will be right back.
Noxeema Jackson: I am not going upstairs with you. I ain't drivin' you no more, Miss Daisy.
Vida Boheme: Oh, Carol Ann, what on earth...?
Carol Ann: I'm just so clumsy. I mean... Virgil yelled at me. I mean, he called out to me. And, well, I just spilled the stew.
Vida Boheme: Hun, do you like, ever, not cry in this room?
Vida Boheme: Now she going to herself kidnapped by some wild mountain man and we will have to rescue her.
Vida Boheme: Carol Ann, if we're going to be friends, there really is something I should tell you.
Carol Ann: Adam's Apple?
Vida Boheme: What?
Carol Ann: Adam's Apple. Women don't have Adam's Apples, only men have Adam's Apples. The first night that you came to town I noticed that you had yourself an Adam's Apple.
Vida Boheme: Then, then you know?
Carol Ann: I know, that I am very fortunate to have a lady friend who just happens to have an Adam's Apple.
Noxeema Jackson: Hi! I'm Noxeema Jackson. Jesse's daughter.
Bobby Lee: Are you serious about Bobby Ray, Miss Chi-Chi?
Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Baby, you can have him. I've got a million dream lovers, all right. I've got a broken heart for every light on Broadway. And when one of them goes out, I just screw in another one, okay, hello good-bye.
Vida Boheme: Maps are for cheating.
Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Don't do that! Don't do that! What are you doing?
Crazy Elijah: Please, it's a wreck, ladies. Be careful with the... It'll never get you to California.
Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: It's the look.
Vida Boheme: Now, Noxee, how could you possibly refuse?
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt: Oh, my God, I'm like a compass near north.
Noxeema Jackson: Thank you.
Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: How do I look?
Noxeema Jackson: Like the Miami Sound Machine just exploded all over you.
Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Get with the program mijas, no-one is so rich as to throw away a friend.
Carol Ann: This is the presidential suite.
Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Must've been one of those bad presidents.
Noxeema Jackson: You obviously have me mistaken for Miss Rosa Parks.
Vida Boheme: I feel like Miss Jayne Mansfield in this car.
Noxeema Jackson: Oooh, Jayne Mansfield. Not a good auto reference.