The Joker: This town needs an enema!
[The Joker is dancing with Vicki Vale in the bell tower of the cathedral.]
The Joker: It's as though we were made for each other. Beauty and the beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you a beast, I'll rip their lungs out.
The Joker: And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!
Carl Grissom: That you, sugar bumps?
[Grissom turns around and sees a shadowy figure.]
Carl Grissom: Who the hell are you?
The Joker: It's me... Sugar bumps.
Carl Grissom: Jack? Oh. Oh. Thank god you're alive. I've heard you've been...
The Joker: Fried? Is that what you heard?
[Joker takes a few steps towards Grissom, then stops.]
The Joker: You set me up over a woman. A WOMAN! You must be insane.
[Grissom takes a drink from his glass. He then walks to his desk to pour another drink and get his gun. The Joker pulls out a gun and points it at Grissom.]
The Joker: Don't bother.
[Grissom puts down the container of alcohol and leaves the gun where it is. He then turns angrily to the Joker.]
Carl Grissom: Your life won't be worth spit!
The Joker: I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as, uh...therapy.
Carl Grissom: Jack...listen...maybe we can cut a deal.
[The Joker starts walking into the light and removes his hat.]
The Joker: Jack? Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me...Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.
Alexander Knox: They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say...
Lt. Eckhardt: I say, you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, uh, you can quote me on that.
Joker: Batman? Batman? Could somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in where a man dressed up as a bat gets all of my press?
Jack Napier: Never rub another man's rhubarb.
The Joker: I am the world's first, fully functional, homicidal artist. I make art until somebody dies.
The Joker: HE STOLE MY BALLOONS! Why didn't somebody tell me he had one of those...things?
Batman: I'm going to kill you!
The Joker: You IDIOT! You made me. Remember, you dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try!
Batman: I know you did [punches him]. You killed my parents.
The Joker: What? What? What are you talking about?
Batman: I made you, you made me first.
The Joker: Give me a break. I was a kid when I killed your parents. When I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me." How childish can you get?
The Joker: Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.
The Joker: Where does he get those wonderful toys?
The Joker: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Bruce Wayne: Look, you're a real nice girl and I like you a lot, but for right now, shut up!
The Joker: Gotham City. Always bring a smile to my face. [Looks down at the newspaper with the headline about Batman.] Winged freak terrorizes? Wait till they get a load of me.
The Joker: Antione got a little hot under the collar.
Bruce: Then he had to [smashes a vase] GET NUTS! NOW YOU WANNA GET NUTS?!? COME ON! Let's get nuts!