Philip Parker: Hey Paul.
Paul Dumphy: Phillip my man.
Philip Parker: Nice boobs Alexander.
Emily Cooper: I think I broke Captain Hook's nose.
Emily Cooper: What a to-do to die today at a minute or two to two. A thing distinctly hard to say but harder still to do. We'll beat a tattoo at a minute or two and a rat tat tat tat tat tattoo. And the dragon will come to the beat of the drum. At a minute or two to two today. At a minute or two to two... A big black bug bit a big black bear.
Ben Cooper: Honey bumble bee is gone.
Anthony Cooper: Bro I gotta take a shower. I gotta get to school or Celia won't call me back. Oh no. No way not today. Get out dude. Get out.
Video game dev: Is that a pirate blouse?
Ben Cooper: Yarrr.
Kelly Cooper: If you hadn't left the battery out of my car all night Dick van Dyke wouldn't be mad at me Chim Chimminy wants to kill me. Can you imagine?
High School Teacher: This isn't Gossip Girl you two. Get back inside Celia.
Ben Cooper: Whoa honey are you okay?
Emily Cooper: No i'm not Peter Pan can't have a cold Dad.
Paul Dumphy: Dude i've been looking everywhere for you. Have you heard about Phillip Parker?
Alexander Cooper: I don't want to hear anything more about his amazing party.
Paul Dumphy: No it's cancelled.
Alexander Cooper: What?
Paul Dumphy: Yeah he woke up with chicken pox. He texted me this picture these things are everywhere.
Alexander Cooper: Oh.
Paul Dumphy: They're even in his butt crack.