David: Congratulations, "darling."
Brett: I had it. I had pitched the perfect game, and I had to screw the whole thing up. My mother saw the whole thing on TV.
David: She must have been surprised to find out that you had a male lover.
Brett: No. She said she always suspected it. She told me we would make a lovely couple.
David: And your kids?
Brett: They think it's cool.
David: You see what happens when the tofu hits the grill. Nothing. Exactly what happens when the tofu hits our taste buds.
Brett: Stop everything for the rest of your life. Every time you have an idea, I want you to come to me and as your friend, I will shoot your idea down.
Brett: My children know that they are too old to be aborted.