DI Humphrey Goodman: If I am gonna woo the ladies with my culinary skills, I think I need to invest in a cookery book.
DS Florence Cassell: I don't know. Maybe turning on the oven would be a good start.
DI Humphrey Goodman: Yes. The devil is in the detail. (00:24:50)
The Sofa-Bed - S1-E1
Jackie: And Martin! How many times do I have to tell you? Stop eating out of the bin!
Johnny: Classic.
Adam: Classic.
Cora: Love is weakness. It feels real now, at the start it always does, but it's an illusion. It fades and then you're left with nothing!
Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things - S1-E4
Daenerys Targaryen: If you ever lay a hand on me again, it'll be the last time you have hands.
Mandy: Will you go pick up Travis, please?
Mike: You can pick him up.
Mandy: Really?
Mike: Yeah, if you can just figure out how to change a tire.
[Mandy starts to leave.]
Mike: So sad.
Mandy: I'm living with Lord Voldemort!
Mike: I don't know who that is, but he sounds like a very caring father.
Adam Demamp: I'm like one of those dragons from Avatar.
Nick Miller: You're a freaking gold digger, Jess.
Jess: Do you think that if I were a gold digger, I'd be interested in you? I would be the worst gold digger in the world.
Narrator: Centuries ago in Japan, Nighlok monsters invaded our world, but samurai warriors defeated them with power symbols, passed down from parent to child. Today the evil Nighlok have risen once again and plan to flood the earth. Luckily, a new generation of heroes stand in their way. They are the Power Rangers Samurai.
Eva: No one's ever gutted a man for me before.
[The kids are trying to get Granny Jojo out their bedroom window to have her reach the ground.]
Gumball: [grunting] How can someone so small be so heavy?
Granny Jojo: Well, I have two metal hips, one orthopedic shoe, six gold teeth, a plate in my head, and an industrial strength pacemaker. I got so much metal in me, I'm legally classified as a motor vehicle.
Ryan Newman: Behold... The instrument of Drew's destruction. Bzzmm... My ping pong paddle from when I was all state table tennis champion.
Wilfred: So, chemistry, biking and ping pong. I guess my only question is, why were you not blowjobbed to death by the entire cheerleading squad?
Sanford Shamiro: You called up your stalker?
Matt LeBlanc: Right.
Sanford Shamiro: The one we got the restraining order for.
Matt LeBlanc: Yeah.
Sanford Shamiro: Did you have sexual relations with her?
Matt LeBlanc: Mm, does anal...?
Sanford Shamiro: Yeah, it counts.
Harold Finch: I'm a very private person.
Nick Burkhardt: I guess you don't have to be a hexenbiest to be a witch.
Adalind Schade: You don't have to be a witch to work this kind of magic.
Narrator: Warning, this show contains scenes of graphic stupidity among four lifelong friends who compete to embarrass each other. Viewer Discretion is advised.
Gigi Stopper: I've been through too much to cry. Husband's death, family trauma, democratic administrations. Don't worry. I got this.
Various Characters: Uh, how's that milkshake coming, friend? Not too cold on that, right?
Rosen Gatzev - Kukata: Excuse me... looking for dancers?