[The Smiths have just heard a news report on TV about a crime on their street.]
Stan: Right in our own neighborhood. Well it's clear the time has come for me to show you where we hide our guns.
[Pulls a gun out from under the table.]
Stan: Glock. Seventeen shots. [Takes pen from a pen holder.] Pen gun. Mightier than the sword. [Pulls sword out of knife holder.] Sword gun. Mightier than the pen gun. [Opens pantry door.] AR-15. MK-5. Mac-10. Paprika.
Francine: That's weird. I use that pantry a lot.
Stan: And the paprika not enough.
Hayley: I can't believe this house is teeming with guns. Guns kill.
Stan: Oh. Guns kill. Is that right? [Takes gun out of jacket and puts it on the table.] Well, let's see about that. Okay, gun. Kill. Go ahead. Kill someone. Don't be shy. See? Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Guns defend people against people with smaller guns.
Hayley: You're such a fascist.
Stan: Peace pusher.
Stan: I'm swinging wild, Francine.
Michael Scott: This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.
Agent Hotchner: This is Special Agent Dr. Reid.
Man: You look too young to have gone to medical school.
Agent Reid: They are PhD's. Three of them.
Man: What, are you a genius or something?
Agent Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute...yes, I'm a genius.
Doctor: So, that's the trap. Or the test or the final judgment, I don't know. But if I kill you, I kill her. Except that implies, in this big grand scheme of Gods and Devils, that she's just a victim. But I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods - out of all that - out of that whole pantheon - if I believe in one thing... Just one thing... I believe in her.
Jake's Mom: Your sister really looks up to you.
Jake Long: She's two feet tall! She looks up to everybody!
Dr. Meredith Grey: At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.
Jackie: What is it that you do again?
Charlie Kelly: I'm like a janitor at - um, I'm a... full-on rapist, you know? Uh, Africans, dyslexics, children, that sorta thing.
Police officer: It's police policy not to waste resources looking for a missing person in the first 24 hours because they usually show up on their own, and after 24 hours, if they're still missing, it usually means they're dead and we don't look for them that hard then either
Hairdresser: Shouldn't I have a lawyer?
Brenda Leigh Johnson: You could call a lawyer... but if you do I'll tear this custody agreement into little pieces and Dean will walk away with your baby the minute it's born.