Fidelity (aka: Truth or Consequences) - S1-E7
House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
House: So between us, we can do whatever we want. We can rule the world!
Robbie Rotten: Have you ever heard the sound of a rubber ball breaking a window?
Trixie: Nuh uh.
Robbie Rotten: Would you like to?
Denny Crane: Now, Alan, if all else fails and you think you've lost... pretend you've won! Works for our president.
Benjamin Linus: Your flight crashed on September 22,2004. Today is November 29th. That means you've been on this island for sixty-nine days. And yes, we do have contact with the outside world, Jack. That's how we know that during those sixty-nine days, your fellow Americans re-elected George W. Bush, Christopher Reeve has passed away, Boston Red Sox won the World Series.
[Jack begins to laugh.]
Benjamin Linus: What?
Jack Shepard: [Still laughing.] If you wanted me to believe that, you probably should have picked somebody else besides the Red Sox.
Bejmain Linus: No, they were down 3-0 against the Yankees in the Championship Series and then won eight straight.
Jack Shepard: [Skeptically.] Sure, sure. Of course they did.
[Ben turns on a VCR.]
Joe Buck: Back to Foulke... Red Sox fans have longed to hear it! The Boston Red Sox are world champions! A clean sweep of the St. Louis Cardinals, and the Red Sox celebrate in the middle of the diamond here at Busch Stadium.
Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Got B.O.? Get DEO.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Albert, what the hell were you doing in a church today?
Albert Stroller: Gil Stewart died this afternoon. I was there at the end.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Oh God, I'm so sorry Albert. You two were like brothers.
Albert Stroller: We worked Vegas together. That man was made for bright lights. Poor bastard - died of a stroke in a dental surgery.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Well, someone should sue them.
Albert Stroller: Aye, he was pretending to be the dentist.
Gabrielle: I feel a wave of morning sickness coming on, and I want to be standing on your mother's grave when it hits.
Tag Team Trial: Part 1 - S1-E10
Syrus Truesdale: First, I'm going to summon Gyroid in attack mode.
Para: You must be joking. I am surprised that thing even has an attack mode.
Mugen: When you point a sword at someone either you kill them or they kill you, there ain't no inbetween. So quit talkin' like a fuckin' pussy. Anyone who can't handle that should just shut THE fuck UP and GET over IT.
Louisa Glasson: I got involved in a surfing club of all things. I think what clinched it was the kids saying I'm too old.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Nonsense. People of all ages go surfing.
Louisa Glasson: You should come along. It'd be nice to see you out of that suit and in a wet... suit.
Alice: We need like, rules of un-attraction.
Gerry Standing: Will you stop creeping up on me.
Brian Lane: I don't creep, I glide.
Megan Parker: Why is Josh screaming? Have the eggs hatched?
Keely Teslow: She's in Indonesia.
Phil Diffy: You have your latitude and longitude mixed up. She's next to Kid Rock and Ricki Lake.
Keely Teslow: I know a shortcut through Tiger Woods.
Leon Tyler: We need to cauterize the wound.
Thelma Bates: How do we do that?
Leon Tyler: Well, in star wars they used the light saber.
FBI Agent Max Canary: If I'm not mistaken, she just cut off your balls, Derek.
Derek Jennings: Just the one, Max. Just the one.
Dr. Max Hudson: If I start to go crazy can you... take care of me?.. In the back of the head.
Diana Skouris: You won't even see it coming... Dr. Hudson?
Dr. Max Hudson: I just gave you permission to blow my head off. You can call me Max.
Grant Wilson: It's you, you stupid cat. Your nose whistles.