Oscar Wilde: I do believe in anything, provided it is incredible. That's why I intend to die a Catholic, though I never could live as one.
Raiden: It cannot be!
Sindel: Oh, but it can and it is!
Jerry Fletcher: A good conspiracy is unprovable. I mean, if you can prove it, it means they screwed up somewhere along the line.
Horse: No-one said anything to me about the full monty.
Ernie: He's Hitler with a tail. He's "The Omen" with whiskers. Even Nostradamus didn't see him coming.
Dalai Lama: We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good.
Referee #1: Ain't no rules says a dog can't play basketball.
Coach: This is a joke, I mean dogs don't play basketball!
Chaney: What's the matter, afraid your team might get beat by a dog?
Coaches: Put him in.
Seth Frank: There's one thing I forgot to tell you. I live alone.
Alyssa: Can men fuck each other?
Banky Edwards: Are you asking for my permission?
Sonny Black: You know what we do when we find that rat, right, Lefty?
Lefty: 'Could be I found him already.
Audience Member: You should run for President! It would send a message.
Michael Moore: What message? Eat out more often?
Jackie-O: Sorry about that, by the way, I didn't mean to maim you. I only meant to kill you.
Marty: These things happen.
Jimmy Nova: Wanna know what a cockroach is called in Algeria?
Montello Hungry: Why the fuck would someone want to know that?
Sergeant James Dunn: You live alone?
Dr. Victoria Constantini: No, I, I have a boyfriend. He's a cop.
Sergeant James Dunn: You don't have a boyfriend.
Dr. Victoria Constantini: How do you know?
Sergeant James Dunn: There's five empty buckets of Häagen-Dazs in your trash, your legs are stubbly and your hair color needs a touch-up.
Harriet: My mother says I was born with an angel on my shoulder. This is supposed to bring me luck and happiness. I think she lied.
Andy McDermott: Great. Come to Paris and check out les drains.
Malik Brody: Oh He's a fucking cheeseburger.
Carolyn: He works for a living.
Malik Brody: He's a cheeseburger.
Carolyn: A Cheeseburger?
Malik Brody: Yes... A Nasty, fat, coagulating around your heart, not good for you cheeseburger.
Rutland Coach: Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there.
Referee: Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down.
Susan Tyler: When I increased the Judas' metabolism, I must have sped up its breeding cycle. I mean, we're talking tens, hundreds of thousands of generations, who knows how many mutations.
Peter Mann: I don't get it, I just don't fucking get this. How could the Judas evolve into this?
Susan Tyler: Think generations, not years, okay. It took only 40,000 generations for apes to turn into humans.
Peter Mann: So?
Susan Tyler: We changed its DNA, Peter! I mean, we don't know what we did.