Angus Bethune: You just don't know how it feels.
Troy: I don't know how it feels? So you think you're the only person on earth who wakes up every morning wishing they were someone else?
Dr. Kosevich: I've got it! Nurse, call the Anesthesiologist, this woman needs an enema.
Samuel, Rebecca, Nurse: An enema?
Dr. Kosevich: No, uh, she needs a pedicure.
Nurse: This ain't no goddam beauty parlor.
Dr. Kosevich: Epitath.
Samuel Faulkner: She's not dead, you moron.
Dr. Kosevich: Epidermus... Uh.
Rebecca Taylor: Epidural, asshole.
He Zhiwu: We rub shoulders with many people everyday. Some may become close friends, or confidants. That's why I'm always optimistic. Sometimes it hurts. Not to worry - I try to stay happy. That night, I saw that woman again. I knew we'd never be friends or confidants. We'd let too many chances pass us by. Nothing happened, there was no chemistry. Maybe it was the weather, but that night I found her very alluring.
Diane Barrows: It was there, I know it, that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over - the-fence, World Series kind of stuff.
High School Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: OK, a simple "wrong" would have done just fine.
Lenny Nero: Are we still friends?
Mace: I don't know Lenny. You see, friendship is more than one person constantly doing favors for another.
George: Billy, Billy, Billy they're... they're calling for backup.
Billy: Wait, wait wait. What the fuck did you just call me? Did you just use my fucking name?
Billy: Am I gonna go crazy here or he just fucking used my name?
Cafe Manager: He just fucking used you're name.
Billy: You just used my fuckin' name! You idiot! You fuckin' mo... Wait, wait did I call you an idiot? I'm sorry... george! I'm sorry.
Katharine: You know, in Ireland a man with a horse, a cart and a book he knows how to read is the catch of the county.
Robert Merivel: Well, perhaps when we have made fire of the cart and eaten the horse and wiped our asses with the book, you'll become better acquainted with what you have caught.
Stuart Smalley: Because what they say is true - it's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.