Christmas With the Joker - S1-E38
Joker: Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got awaaaaaaaaayyyyy.
Sarah: Does your mother know you write plays and things?
Saffie: No, and I don't want her to either, so don't say anything.
Sarah: Oh, you don't need to worry. I don't speak to her anymore. Not since she gave me that chemical peel.
Saffie: Well, it wasn't so much chemical. And not so much peel. She set fire to your pig-tails.
Sarah: It's a good job I'm thick-skinned... Well, except for the shoulder.
Night of the Sentinels: Part 1 - S1-E1
Morph: [imitating Senator Kelly] My fellow Americans, I am an idiot.
Richie Ryan: Come on, do it. Come on, come on, go ahead, do it. When the Quickening knocks you on your skinny little ass, MacLeod's gonna be right there to help you up. I die, you go right behind me.
Nurse Amy: She's your wife's landlord. That would be your present wife, number four, isn't it? And she wants all your belongings out of the house by to-night.
Michael: And did she say why?
Nurse Amy: Nooo, but I'm sure we'll be reading about it in tomorrow morning's newspaper.
George: Y'know, I think marriage is tremendous.
Gary Strang: I hate to be cynical George, but you think Croydon is tremendous.
Tracy: Now that I've expressly told you I don't need your help... I need your help.
Jamie: Do you want to tell me why I just lied to our closest friends?
Paul: They wanted to take us to dinner.
Jamie: The Bastards.
Frost: Yeah, well, I just wish Horn-rimmed Harry would be a little more choosy about his jargon. I mean anyone who spends all day with their pen stuck up their a-aah, there you are, sir.
Gomez Addams: Boy, these family wrestling matches sure are enjoyable. Right, Fester?
Uncle Fester: You said it, Gomez! And thanks to Lurch, I'll spend the next week coughing up vital organs.