Albert: I like Christmas TV - all them stars giving up their Christmases just to entertain us.
Harold: They don't give up their Christmases. All them programmes is recorded in October. When it comes Christmas they're all sunning themselves in the south of France; it's just us lot sat here in the cold watching them, ah you so simple.
Capt. Binghamton: Commander, how would you and your men like two weeks with nothing to do but play gin rummy, go surfing, have luaus with steel drum bands, dancing girls, hmm?
Lieut. Comdr. Quinton McHale: Two whole weeks? Woo hooo, oh that'd be a wonderful change sir. Yes sir.
Capt. Binghamton: Knock it off McHale. That's what you do every week.