Best TV quotes of all time

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Movie Quote Quiz
Green Acres picture

Lisa Douglas: Could you keep it a secret from my husband? You see, I want to surprise him.
Ralph Monroe: My lips are sealed.
Hank Kimball: Now if we could only keep them that way.
Ralph Monroe: If you weren't so sexy, I'd beat your brains out.

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The Thin Blue Line picture

Season 1 generally

Inspector Grim: It's my arse on the line and I don't want a cock-up!

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The Waltons picture

The Reunion - S1-E14

Ike: How's it feel to be a working man?
John-Boy: Ike, Mama would skin me alive! Everyone knows those two ladies make bootleg whiskey.
Ike: But they don't know what they're doing. They're just following their papa's Recipe.
John-Boy: But sometimes they sell it!
Ike: Yeah, but they're just like two little girls by a roadside selling lemonade.

Super Grover Premium member
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Sanford and Son picture

Aunt Esther: Watch it, sucka.

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The Legend of Korra picture

Night of a Thousand Stars - S2-E11

Korra: You have a battleship?
Varrick: Of course I do! I bought the first one they made! Named her the Zhu Li.
Bolin: You named your battleship after your assistant?
Varrick: Yep! They're both cold, heartless war machines.

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Only Fools and Horses picture

Modern Men - S8-E2

Mike: Well?
Trigger: Well what?
Mike: What are they naming the baby?
Trigger: If it's a girl, they're calling her Sigourney, after an actress. And if it's a boy, they're calling him Rodney, after Dave.

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House of Cards picture

Chapter 46 - S4-E7

Frank Underwood: [Stands between the portraits of Kennedy and Reagan.] All three of us took bullets. [Nods to Reagan's.] Well, I know why we're smiling, we survived.

Friso94
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Gunsmoke picture

Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: I'll tell you why the Hagens live so long.
Festus Haggen: Why?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: 'Cause they're too dumb to know they're dead.

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Fuller House picture

Kimmy Gibbler: My moves are all that and a bag of chips, so talk to the hand loser! Oh snap, you go girl! I think I just did.

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Halo Legends picture

1337: Well... I'm one heck of a mama myself.

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Gilligan's Island picture

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Ginger, I've got a problem... I've got a real problem... Now you're a girl, right?
Ginger Grant: Well, if you're not sure about that, you have got a problem.

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Archer picture

The Papal Chase - S4-E11

Lana: Do you need to get that?
Malory: No. I'm sure whoever it is...
Cheryl: It's the Vatican. Line one. Jesus! [Cheryl gasps.] Shit. I hope he didn't here that. [Cheryl gasps again.] Or that. Shit.
Malory: Just put him through, you idiot.
Cheryl: Okay! Jesus! [Cheryl gasps.] Shit.

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Kirby: Right Back at Ya! picture

Meta Knight: Your spirit is willing but your pink flesh is weak.

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Good Omens picture

Hard Times - S1-E3

Crowley: That unicorn's gonna make a run for it! Oh, it's too late. It's too late! Ah, you've still got one of them.

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Lost picture

The Glass Ballerina - S3-E2

Benjamin Linus: Your flight crashed on September 22,2004. Today is November 29th. That means you've been on this island for sixty-nine days. And yes, we do have contact with the outside world, Jack. That's how we know that during those sixty-nine days, your fellow Americans re-elected George W. Bush, Christopher Reeve has passed away, Boston Red Sox won the World Series.
[Jack begins to laugh.]
Benjamin Linus: What?
Jack Shepard: [Still laughing.] If you wanted me to believe that, you probably should have picked somebody else besides the Red Sox.
Bejmain Linus: No, they were down 3-0 against the Yankees in the Championship Series and then won eight straight.
Jack Shepard: [Skeptically.] Sure, sure. Of course they did.
[Ben turns on a VCR.]
Joe Buck: Back to Foulke... Red Sox fans have longed to hear it! The Boston Red Sox are world champions! A clean sweep of the St. Louis Cardinals, and the Red Sox celebrate in the middle of the diamond here at Busch Stadium.

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The Dick Van Dyke Show picture

Rob Petrie: I want to take a nap before I go to sleep.

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Stranger Things picture

Eleven: Friends don't lie.

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Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan picture

Jack Ryan: I can't go to Yemen!
James Greer: Why not?
Jack Ryan: I'm an analyst. I don't interrogate people, I write reports.
James Greer: Well that's gonna make a doozy. Get on the fuckin' plane.

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What's New, Scooby-Doo? picture

Pompeii and Circumstance - S1-E12

Saladicus: Those who are about to fight, salute me. I am the Emperor Caesar Saladicus. Do you have any last requests?
Shaggy: Hold the anchovies.

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Smallville picture

Shimmer - S1-E10

Lana Lang: That's the thing about Clark Kent. He's not always there when you want him... But he's always there when you need him.

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