Best TV quotes of all time

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A Bit of Fry and Laurie picture

Stephen Fry: When I was seventeen I had already tried fourteen different jobs, married twice, fathered many many many many children, eaten a perfectly enormous quantity of food over a long time period, been weaned off six types of class A dangerous drug, given up smoking, taken it up again, given it up again, taken it up again, given taking it up and taken giving it up again and again and again and again. By the time I was twenty, alcohol had never passed my lips, yet I was a reckless and predatory alcoholic: my life was in pieces, my marriages were shattered, my children lay in ruins, I was paying alimony along the sinuses, behind the dark interior passages of the skull and through the nose. But at thirty, at thirty came the chance to redeem a bin-liner of broken promises. If I didn't take that chance what would I be? What would I become? Just another friendless acid spot on the back buttock of a weeping society. So I took it, took the chance, picked up the ball and ran, went for it, threw caution to the teeth of the gale, never looked back, just keep running, I did it. Forget the past, there's nothing there, not even memories, just a road you never travelled unwinding backwards to a place you never came from, where fruit grows on trees you never climbed, in an orchard where you lost your virginity to a boy called Timothy who died of Horlicks poisoning before you were born. No answers there...
Hugh Laurie: tephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.
Stephen Fry: Yes?
Hugh Laurie: Go and have a lie down.
Stephen Fry: OK. [walks off.].

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Fuller House picture

Kimmy Gibbler: My moves are all that and a bag of chips, so talk to the hand loser! Oh snap, you go girl! I think I just did.

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ER (1994)

ER picture

Robert Romano: The operation was a screaming success if your desired outcome was paralysis.

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The Vampire Diaries picture

Damon Salvatore: I DO believe in killing the messenger. Why? Because it sends a message.

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The Legend of Zelda picture Video

Zelda: Nice job, hero.
Link: Hey, excuuuuse me, princess.
(00:00:40)

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The A-Team picture

Murdock: I wish I could just jump in the water and live like a fish.
B.A. Baracus: Shut up fool, you ain't no fish.

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Mama's Family picture

Naomi Oates Harper: Oh, you just love to put people down, don't you, Mrs. Harper?
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: It is not only a pleasure, I see it as my duty.

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CSI: NY picture

Blink - S1-E1

Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.

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Young Sheldon picture

Pilot - S1-E1

Georgie: Admit it, he's adopted.
Sheldon: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.
Missy: I wish I was adopted.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Cubs Fan
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Absolutely Fabulous picture

Eddie: I DON'T WANT MORE CHOICE, I JUST WANT NICER THINGS!

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The High Chaparral picture

Billy Blue Cannon: I need all the rest I can get, Uncle Buck.
Buck Cannon: When I was your age, Blue, the word 'rest' hadn't been invented.

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Will & Grace picture

New Will City - S3-E1

Grace: My love for you is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent.

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The Real Ghostbusters picture

Egon Spengler: Notice the vacant stare, the completely mindless look. That could only mean one thing.
Winston Zeddemore (I): She's from California?
Egon Spengler: No. She's been hypnotized.

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Archer picture

Archer: Lana. Lana. Lana? LAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAA!
Lana: WHAT?!
Archer: Danger zone.

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That '70s Show picture

Going to California - S5-E1

Kitty Forman: Oh good God, you kids switch partners more than square dancers!

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Three's Company picture

Diane McMillan: Janet, do you know what I do for a living?
Janet Wood Dawson: Of course I do! It's right here on your card in black and white. Diane McMillan, The Rapist.
Jack Tripper: That's therapist.
Janet's Father: She always did have trouble with her reading.

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Iron Man: Armored Adventures picture

Iron Forged in Fire: Part One - S1-E1

Math Professor: What you’re looking at here is widely thought to be the hardest math equation in the world, and has yet to be solved. What we are doing today is far less difficult, and...
Tony Stark: Sir? 42.

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The Goodies picture

Earthanasia AKA The End of the World Show - S7-E6

Bill: Christmases come, Christmases go. They're all the ruddy same - no one ever remembers them.

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F Troop picture

Chief Wild Eagle: It is balloon.

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Friday Night Dinner picture

The Sofa-Bed - S1-E1

Jackie: And Martin! How many times do I have to tell you? Stop eating out of the bin!
Johnny: Classic.
Adam: Classic.

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