Captain Barney Miller: Arrest the first naked guy you see with a dirty mouth.
Hank: Calm down, Boomhauer! I can't understand a word you're saying.
Amanda Tanen: Can you believe he's asking Betty for dating advice? That's like asking Britney Spears for parenting tips.
Football, Feminism and You - S1-E6
Troy Barnes: You're saying I could be a lawyer.
Jeff Winger: I'm saying you're a football player! It's in your blood!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your soul!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your eyes?
Troy Barnes: That's gay?
Jeff Winger: That's homophobic.
Troy Barnes: That's black.
Jeff Winger: THAT'S racist!
Troy Barnes: Damn.
Michael: You humans take something wonderful and ruin it just a little bit so you can have more.
Sonic the Hedgehog: I don't see why we have to learn all this etiquette baloney.
Christopher 'Chris' Thorndyke: My mom says it's important to learn good manners so we can eat properly.
Sonic the Hedgehog: Well, I never learned anything about manners, and I been eating my whole life.
Jeff Bingham: Don't play dumb with me. It's a game you can't win.
Hoss Delgado: Give it to us straight, Goodburger. Is our little Remus.
Mandy: Billy.
Hoss Delgado: ...Billy, on the bullet train to Smartsville, or is he riding the slow pony to the rubber forest?
Capt. Binghamton: Commander, how would you and your men like two weeks with nothing to do but play gin rummy, go surfing, have luaus with steel drum bands, dancing girls, hmm?
Lieut. Comdr. Quinton McHale: Two whole weeks? Woo hooo, oh that'd be a wonderful change sir. Yes sir.
Capt. Binghamton: Knock it off McHale. That's what you do every week.
C.J.: What the eye doesn't see is goose for the gander.
The Fonz: You're dreaming about a girl you've never met?
Richie Cunningham: Come on, Fonz, haven't you ever dreamed?
The Fonz: Hey I'm not the dreamer! I'm the dreamee.
Christopher Titus: Cain slew Abel... oh, happy, happy Cain.
Jean-Luc: What do you think?
Carol Foster Lambert: I think you look like Barbara Eden from "I Dream Of Jeannie."
Jean-Luc: Well, I think you look like Crissy from "Three's Company".
Dylan Maxwell: Another day, another dick.
Herman Picks a Winner - S2-E16
Herman: After I'm through with you, you're never going to gamble again as long as you live.
Eddie: How much do you wanna bet?
Herman: I'll bet you a quarter, and I'll give you two to one!
Lily: HERMAN!
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
Brock Samson: Don't you have nothing else to do but harp on Dr. Venture? Why haven't you tried the World Domination thing, you afraid of the big leagues?
The Monarch: Please. How stupid do I look to you? World Domination. I'll leave that to the religious nuts or the Republicans, thank you.
Ryan Newman: Behold... The instrument of Drew's destruction. Bzzmm... My ping pong paddle from when I was all state table tennis champion.
Wilfred: So, chemistry, biking and ping pong. I guess my only question is, why were you not blowjobbed to death by the entire cheerleading squad?
Police Chief: Well I'll be bamboozled.