Best comedy TV quotes of all time

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The Wonder Years picture

Wayne Arnold: Butthead.

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Chappelle's Show picture

Tiger Woods: I always wanted to say this... fa-shizzle.

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The Larry Sanders Show picture

Arthur: Your fly is undone.
Larry: Oh, thanks.
Arthur: Just doing my job.
Larry: It's your job to look at my crotch?
Arthur: I consider it one of my perks.

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ALF (1986)

ALF picture

ALF: Kate, have I ever lied to you?
Kate: Yes. Several times.
ALF: I meant today.

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Power Rangers Samurai picture

Narrator: Centuries ago in Japan, Nighlok monsters invaded our world, but samurai warriors defeated them with power symbols, passed down from parent to child. Today the evil Nighlok have risen once again and plan to flood the earth. Luckily, a new generation of heroes stand in their way. They are the Power Rangers Samurai.

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One Day at a Time picture

Ann Romano Royer: That Was BVD.
Ed Cooper, Julie's and Barbara's Father: BVD?
Ann Romano Royer: Before Vicky, Darling.

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The Vicar of Dibley picture

Owen: He's as doomed as a virgin on a date with Rod Stewart.

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The Greatest American Hero picture

Ralph Hinkley: Bill, I've got an idea.
Bill Maxwell: Good, put it to me in a letter, I'll try to get back to you by the end of the month.

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Adam-12 picture

Jim Reed: You just have to know how to arrest them and still make them like you. We call it technique.

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My Name Is Earl picture

Inside Probe: Part 1 - S4-E25

Police officer: It's police policy not to waste resources looking for a missing person in the first 24 hours because they usually show up on their own, and after 24 hours, if they're still missing, it usually means they're dead and we don't look for them that hard then either

The_Iceman

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The Fairly OddParents picture

Wandisimo: Principles, much like my biceps, are muy bonito.

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Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip picture

Matt Albie: Look, I hate Los Angeles just like everybody else, but I have to work here because in any other part of the country I'm unemployable.

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Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency picture

Horizons - S1-E1

Detective Estevez: You didn't...see anything weird this morning, did you Mr. Brotzman?
Todd Brotzman: Yes. No. M-Maybe. I don't know.
Detective Estevez: Are you aware you just gave every possible response to that question? Eyebrows. [Detective Zimmerman raises his eyebrows].

Bishop73

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Mork & Mindy picture

Mork's Mixed Emotions - S1-E20

Orson: You opened the door to your emotions, didn't you?
Mork: Yes, Sir.
Orson: You realise you've broken the highest Orkan law. It is my duty to report you to the Council.
Mork: I understand. But I don't regret what I've done, sir. You see, for the first time in my life, I feel really alive, I feel fantastic! Oh, I wish you could try it! I wish you could feel some of the things I've been feeling!
Orson: Impossible. I could never do that. They'd throw me in prison.
Mork: Oh, I don't mean to be disrespectful, your immenseness, but until you can marvel at a rainbow after a storm or rejoice at seeing a baby walk for the first time, or hold someone and have them feel the same warmth inside as you feel close to them outside - until you can do these things, aren't you already in prison?

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Gimme, Gimme, Gimme picture

Linda La Hughes: Tom, I ain't a pussy-person. When people look at me, they don't think 'cat', they think 'dog'.

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My Wife and Kids picture

Michael Kyle: Well, guess what Junior? You're from the mean streets of Stamford, Connecticut.

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